tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-68412125802292932932024-03-14T10:53:48.540+08:00My Own Meandering ExperienceAn American's adventure teaching in Bangkok, Thailand and Shanghai, China.jenny44indyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17854736503407730908noreply@blogger.comBlogger97125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6841212580229293293.post-52027396737248902532015-02-20T12:39:00.000+08:002015-02-20T12:40:12.723+08:00Lengthy Reflection in Hoi An, Vietnam<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
It's been some time since I've really
blogged or journaled, at least publicly, outside facebook post
reflections. There are a variety of reasons for that. But it's high
time to get a post out any way.
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
I'm sitting in Hoi An, Vietnam, in the
breakfast lounge of a backpacker hostel.<br />
Since I had some cash
taken out of my bag on one of the many boats coming back from Halong
Bay, I'm a bit short of liquid cash I can access here in Vietnam by
the means I brought with me.<br />
To the person that took the cash out
of my pack: I hope you were able to face your family at Tet with
enough wealth to hang your head high. There is so much pressure this
time of year for Vietnamese to show off to their families. Theft and
suicide rates are up. I truly mean it, I hope it meant something to
you and your loved ones. And thank you, for not taking anything
else.<br />
<br />
I've learned a great deal traveling, you always do, but
here are some things I've learned of late:</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<ul>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Bringing credit cards instead of
debit cards will help you be mindful of your spending and prevent
the loss of all of your cards should the worst happen (whole bag
stolen or lost), however, it can also leave you in a bind when the
unexpected happens, like getting the cash taken out of your bag. In
a mostly cash based country this is problematic. This might be made
more acute by an extended national holiday when banks are closed.
You will figure it out any way – book things through hostel world,
agoda, sky scanner, and so forth – but it will stretch your
creativity and bring your frugal mindset further into the forefront
of your vacation planning than originally bargained for.</div>
</li>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
On a more vain note, if you
haven't heard of or tried solid bar shampoo, you are missing out. I
understand the bar soap in common use before the invention of
shampoo was much different and considered less luxurious – but
there are many new varieties now. I intend to keep trying them out;
someday I'd like to make my own. However I've decided against
attempting any projects involving reactions with lye in my tiny
apartment for the time being. Bonus – bar shampoo won't explode in
your bag the way a bottle could. Next step would be finding a bar
that is shampoo and body soap to only carry one; they exist too.</div>
</li>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
You really do need less clothes
than you think, but whoever said don't pack jeans traveling clearly
didn't live in their blue jeans. I learned this one after Italy –
bring your jeans if you are most comfortable in jeans! I would say
the max here is two pairs – wash one, wear one. Less if you'll be
in warmer climates most of the time. I was glad I had both pairs up
in Sapa when it was around 5 Celsius and my first pair was in the
wash after the mud hike.</div>
</li>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
You can get by with two pairs of
shoes just fine. Again, I was glad for the second pair after the mud
hike.</div>
</li>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Despite all the minimalist packing
tips, I've never regretted having 6 or so pairs of underwear in my
pack. I've only ever regretted not having 7. You are welcome for
that bit.</div>
</li>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
You can seek respite from the
chaos of the city – but you will still be left with the chaos of
your own mind. You can find peace and quiet in the middle of the
motorcycle mayhem of Hanoi if you can somehow quiet your own
thoughts. And you can be stuck in the loudest cacophony of thought
alone on a bicycle in Hoi An. “Getting away from it all” is
completely relative.</div>
</li>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Human connection is one of the
most important pieces of travel. I've experienced kindness and I've
experienced scams, you have to keep both from coloring your
perspective of a place too heavily and remember it's the people that
make or break an experience. I'm not sure if this sounds as heavy as
I've felt it this trip as a solo traveler, I think it's more
something to feel for yourself.</div>
</li>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
We all have those days. The days
when we wonder whether we can really handle life in Asia any more as
opposed to somewhere else, or if we ever did so with grace. When we
drown out our minds with our headphones, one wire of which we're
constantly twisting to maintain sound – and wonder what it is
we're really doing any more. Remember it's still a learning day. Put
your pack down. Relax.</div>
</li>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Understand that the reason you can
travel somewhere “so cheaply” is because your nationality, race,
mother tongue, education and privileges have given you an advantage
over the local population you are a guest to. Don't let that lull
you into complacency to be scammed, but don't push so hard to pinch
pennies either. People tell me I'm awful at bartering. And I am. But
you can't assume every person has bad intentions. It will do nothing
but drain you in the end. Sometimes you have to think “her son
will have something to eat tonight,” without ever needing
verification as such, instead of thinking “I paid too much.”</div>
</li>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
I sometimes have such a hard time
with first time travelers, more specifically people that “quit
their corporate day job to seek freedom and finally travel the
world” and shout it from the rooftops (usually in blog form) –
at times (not always), that message to me, is lost in the sound of
walking away from privilege and failing to acknowledge that not
everybody has that much they could walk away from to begin with.
Yes, the job was soul sucking, the clutter weighing you down.
Absolutely cut those things out. Yes, you can live so much more
cheaply in South East Asia. Have you ever considered, though, the
amount of people with the English language capability to see the
salary you walked away from that can never earn that much based on
racism, passport status and other circumstances? I find it hard to
bring this up, I am not trying to steal anyone's thunder or bring
anyone down. I'm a blogger, and I'm certain I've been annoying. And
I still speak from the privileged position of being a white,
American passport holding, native English speaking, young, educated
individual. Perhaps it takes leaving one's home culture, whether a
lackluster job market or a high paying corporate job, to have this
kind of perspective at all. It's not particularly helpful to silence
anyone's narrative; but you were seeking a new perspective through
this experience any way, right? I'm sure there are plenty of ways my
own narrative irks others. I'm somewhat aware of that.</div>
</li>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
There are so many different ways
to book travel and accommodation. Now I think, more than budget –
I'm interested in finding places that fit with my personality. (Heh,
speaking of traveler privilege). I've stayed in some hostels on this
trip that would be considered part of the “banana pancake trail,”
as a colleague referred to them with a bit of scorn. I've decided I
make no apologies for falling into the banana pancake, easy-way lazy
backpacker travel style for much of this trip. However, I'm not 20
years old any more, I never was and never will be up for a booze
cruise, and no, French guy in my dorm room that I've never hung out
with, I'm not getting up at 2 am to drink more because it's your
last night. Budget accommodation can have many personalities, it's
important to find a good fit if you can. Especially if you're doing
slow or long term travel. Plenty of hostel experiences are much more
laid back. My experience in Sapa was very different to that dorm in
Hanoi.</div>
</li>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Everyone has their own travel
style. It's not just the boiled down stereotypes. I know so many
people that scorn backpackers. I have been among them. “Oh I'm an
expat not a backpacker,” full of self importance and cliqueish
self-righteousness. As if expat vs migrant worker vs illegal
immigrant vs non-immigrant (the actual title of Thai work visas) has
anything to do with anything besides racism and (perceived) net
worth. We're all full of it, truly. Every group has their
off-putting traits, and I'll admit I understand which traits fuel
the anti-backpacker sentiment. But I am a backpacker. I am a
flashpacker (backpacker that needs Wifi and hot showers). I am an
expat but also a tourist. I am a medium to slow traveler, and I get
antsy if I can't at least get out and cycle, hike, or walk in nature
even if it's just a park. Working to include more of that in my
current Shanghai life with some day trips. Reflecting after my Sapa
trek – I'm just happy to be off crutches and mobile again.</div>
</li>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
I should probably write less more
often to avoid ridiculously long posts like this one.</div>
</li>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
It will be really hard to go back
to letter size from A4 international paper size.<br />
Over and out for
now.</div>
</li>
</ul>
jenny44indyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17854736503407730908noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6841212580229293293.post-24845213745165006462014-11-15T19:01:00.002+08:002014-11-15T19:04:03.487+08:00SidetrackedHave you ever found, that when you're supposed to be doing a dozen different things - and you're paralyzed by the amount to do - that stopping to help someone else with an issue that is not on that list, in essence, stalling, is actually more fulfilling than completing any of the work you were meant to do?<br />
<br />
Is it that misplaced motivation spurs us to complete long dormant tasks, and we feel relief; is it that we feel a greater sense of accomplishment from helping another person than checking off a monotonous task, such as creating a spreadsheet? Or is it something deeper, that in fact - none of what we're supposed to be doing really matters, and that simple act of helping another is actually more fulfilling than the work we are actually tasked with completing?<br />
<br />
I mentioned to a colleague that I felt another colleague of ours is bogged down. He responded with "well, I better not make it worse, I better stop coming to her for advice." No! Do not stop sidetracking her! Perhaps, it is that very thing that gives her day a bit of life's blood back, a bit of meaning and fulfillment - perhaps, is it the sidetrack that is what matters.<br />
<br />
When you're feeling derailed, and uncertain where to turn - perhaps, perhaps dear traveler - keep following the bend in the path deemed the wrong way, and see where the side track leads.<br />
<br />
For all the cajoling to turn back, to change course - well meaning, well advised, ill advised - perhaps it is the feeling in the pit of our stomach that leads us in the night. Perhaps it knows the course better than we can surmise.<br />
<br />
I cannot see the stars. But I feel in my gut - there is something here.<br />
Keep wandering, traveler.jenny44indyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17854736503407730908noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6841212580229293293.post-9828912909140099892014-01-04T18:29:00.004+08:002014-01-04T18:30:40.287+08:00January 4, 2014<style>
<!--
/* Font Definitions */
@font-face
{font-family:Arial;
panose-1:2 11 6 4 2 2 2 2 2 4;
mso-font-charset:0;
mso-generic-font-family:auto;
mso-font-pitch:variable;
mso-font-signature:3 0 0 0 1 0;}
@font-face
{font-family:Times;
panose-1:2 0 5 0 0 0 0 0 0 0;
mso-font-charset:0;
mso-generic-font-family:auto;
mso-font-pitch:variable;
mso-font-signature:3 0 0 0 1 0;}
@font-face
{font-family:Cambria;
panose-1:2 4 5 3 5 4 6 3 2 4;
mso-font-charset:0;
mso-generic-font-family:auto;
mso-font-pitch:variable;
mso-font-signature:3 0 0 0 1 0;}
/* Style Definitions */
p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal
{mso-style-parent:"";
margin:0in;
margin-bottom:.0001pt;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:12.0pt;
font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-ascii-font-family:Cambria;
mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-fareast-font-family:Cambria;
mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-hansi-font-family:Cambria;
mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi;}
@page Section1
{size:8.5in 11.0in;
margin:1.0in 1.25in 1.0in 1.25in;
mso-header-margin:.5in;
mso-footer-margin:.5in;
mso-paper-source:0;}
div.Section1
{page:Section1;}
-->
</style>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
It’s January Fourth again. Why is it January fourth again?<br />
I hate January fourth. I will never like January fourth, and I’m not sorry.<br />
Likewise, I make no apologies for the written quality or lack of storytelling
in this post. I am marking time, but it needs to be done. This is pretty raw
for me.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I got out of bed today, by a respectable 9 am. Respectable
for a Saturday.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I put clothes on. Like, presentable to leave the apartment
clothes.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I bought groceries. I made sure to collect the proper tax
receipts. I picked up a purse I dropped off to have the lining redone – one of
my favorite bags, of course I refused to get rid of it. Also unsurprisingly it
was made of recycled fabric to begin with. Now the inside is completely redone,
two new zippers show the promise of actual function. Holes large enough to let
wallets and passports and things slide from one compartment to another have
been rectified. One more thing on my long, long to-do list that is now taken
care of for the time being. One more thing that has been fixed.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I ate at a fast food ramen joint I refused to frequent in
Bangkok, for there were many better options (in my opinion), that I’ve decided
is not so bad. And at least it gets me out of my apartment.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I have a brief respite from gospel music, from the hammering
in the apartment upstairs, from the motorbike theft alarms that go off simply
when someone bumps the stupid things. We have a new water heater (this is a
small miracle). We have another new circuit breaker, not melted yet, and we can
avoid tripping it if we do not run the heater in the living room. I have decent
health insurance. No, really let me say that again: I have pretty good health
insurance.<br />
<br />
I have a very different life from anything I might have pictured a year ago, let
alone six years ago. Sometimes that’s a good thing, sometimes, more challenging
and other times I just think to myself “only my friends are going to believe
this, everyone else will just think I’m crazy. Maybe I’m crazy.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’m not crazy. Much. And I don’t give myself nearly enough
credit. In the past year I moved to my second foreign country. I began a new
job, my second opportunity teaching art in a classroom – a milestone I was so
eager to reach that yet again, I fail to credit myself enough for it. I made
what I consider great progress during my time in the United States, and I had a
lot of people on my side – helping me and showing me hospitality. Something I’m
often hesitant to accept in the face of my stubborn concepts of independence
and self-reliance. I am my father’s daughter.<br />
<br />
Really I haven’t felt like publicly reflecting much lately. And I’ll say it
again, it’s not about Chinese censorship. It’s my own personal feelings, my
sentiments of what is professionalism in my career, courtesy to others. It is
one thing to make fun of yourself, and another to drag others in with you. Do
so carefully.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But why do I hate January 4<sup>th</sup>? It’s not because
I’ll be turning 28 years old on January 9<sup>th</sup>. I hate January 4
because it’s the anniversary of Dad’s death. It’s been six years. And sorry,
I’m not sorry, I’m not over it.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So, let’s review. To the father that once said to me, “I’m
so open minded, I’d be ok with it if you went to IU (Indiana University) and
majored in business.” *big goofy grin on his face* And to which I thought
quietly, ‘oh dear, you have no idea who your daughter is,’ I’d like to think by
this point in my overseas journey you would be on board with what I’m doing.
I’d like to think the day you told me you were already proud of me, before you
started crying that you wouldn’t be at any of your daughters weddings – that
one statement can just hold over for every time it might have been said if you
were still alive. But it’s hard. So Dad, here’s a review of what your daughter
has done the last six years. And she’s still not giving herself enough credit.
Also as I write this, screw first/third person and tense consistency. I simply
don’t care right now. Well I do. But I’m going to pretend I don’t.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In the Spring of 2008, Jenny finished the semester and her
senior fine arts show. Her senior thesis focused on brain tumors, loss of
vision and grief. She had the support of a lot of friends to get through.<br />
Fall 2008 was hard, but she got through that too. A favorite memory is riding
her bicycle to meet her student teaching placement supervisor – which gave the
impression of being adventurous and apparently signaled to this mentor that
Jenny was going to do great things.<br />
Spring 2009 was student teaching, and we lost Grandma Hart. Jenny played her
trumpet in her own commencement ceremony. Following at least one commencement
speech that discussed loss due to cancer, she cried while the band was playing –
but she kept playing despite that. She hopes this was not a moment she showed
up on the ‘Jumbotron’ for all the folks in the auditorium to see.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Summer 2009 was pretty low. The job market was rough. Though
there were four interviews for teaching positions; a teaching job was not
obtained. Jenny moved home and signed up to sell Cutco cutlery. She also began
temporary work at the Indianapolis Children’s museum and ended up trying to
sell Mary Kay. Things looked up when she obtained employment as an Assistant
English as a Second Language teacher. Jenny was able to move back out. Working
as an ESL assistant was personally fulfilling work, but there were other things
to take into account. Fear of budget cuts and need of healthcare among them.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The summer of 2010, Jenny had her first job teaching art
part time. She learned a lot through that experience, especially the need to
address her own anxiety and grief.<br />
In 2010, the opportunity to teach in Bangkok, Thailand presented itself. It’s a
funny story, we should go through the whole thing sometime. A lot of people
were pretty surprised, but I was pretty sure of myself. I landed just before
Halloween.<br />
I taught in a Thai government school English program for three semesters, and
was in Bangkok during the great 2011 flood. The more I look back on this time,
the more I realize I learned in that short time. I also completed 6 graduate
credit hours via distance learning at IUPUI in order to obtain a five-year
teaching license from the state of Indiana (as opposed to the 2-year license).
I was doing a bad job coping with a lot of stress and built up grief and
anxiety at this time. I wasn’t always gracious to those helping me, or around
me. But I started to work through more of it.<br />
I found a position teaching art in Bangkok, and began my first post as a full
time classroom art teacher in a school in April of 2012. When I began this post
– it felt like the culmination of what I’d been searching for since graduation
– to teach art, to teach my discipline. However by January of 2013 I made the
decision to leave that post, even if it meant leaving my newly adopted Bangkok
home. I knew, or hoped I wouldn’t be leaving my progress behind, but building
on it. By March 2013, I had an offer of employment, not only to teach art, but
to build a digital art program, lined up in Shanghai, China. I visited home
again in July and August of 2013, took care of a lot of business, and moved to
China. During a brief visit to Bangkok in October, a good friend said it well:
“We knew it was time for you to go.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br />
I am doing better financially than I have been since graduation, since ever,
for what I am earning on my own. I have to remind myself of that. I stare at my
three paper envelopes of savings – new computer, US plane ticket, and graduate
school, that have recently started getting attention again since “pay for torn
tendon in right foot you need to be able to walk” has ended, and healed fairly
well.<br />
I have to remind myself of how far I have come, of how much I have learned, of
what I am saving for and of how much grief I have sorted through, of how much
physical and mental clutter I have let go of, despite what remains.<br />
<br />
I have to remind myself how I now realize what privilege I still hold despite
the painful cards I’ve been dealt, and how, not to feel such entrenched guilt
for it, but not to wave it around all about the place either in such situations
where that can be avoided.<br />
I remind myself how thankful I am for the financial lessons I was able to learn
from Dad and Grandma Hart before their passing – and hope that I’ve inherited
some of their financial aptitude, too; that in time and with harder negotiation,
and better planning, I can increase my income and savings – I can eventually
pay for graduate school, I can eventually help look after my brother. All these
things take time, clearly more time than myself 6 years ago was forgiving
enough to grant. I’d like to think I’ve eased up a little, just a little. I’ve
made progress in negotiation, in navigating the work place – even multiple-cross-culturally.
I have grown as a person, even if not every aspect of my life – my creative
expression, etc., have grown at the pace I want or expect for myself. I’ve
grown in ways I didn’t expect, or realize were directions to go. And the fact
that I can grow and thrive at all is itself a privilege – one I should remember
to treat with a high level of gratitude, even when the circuit breaker is
melting.<br />
<br />
Dad, you won’t be there at my wedding. Maybe I won’t even get married. Uncle
Steve I can’t promise I’ll let you walk me down the aisle because I’ll probably
just elope. Don’t worry that won’t happen any time soon. I’ll call. Maybe.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I had a great suggestion the other day. If I’m so worried
about writing memoirs that perhaps, I should write them not with the intent to
publish them. Perhaps work up that courage later, or just keep them for family.
But still write them. I’m going to go easy on myself here, not for want of
making excuses, but because the general populace is unaware of how hard on
myself I already am. But I will say, I realize more and more how important
stories are to me. And that somehow they will play a greater part in my life
moving forward.<br />
<br />
So Dad, that’s what I did last year. I moved to China, from Thailand. Still
working on that marathon – but lately, walking has been a pretty big
accomplishment too.<br />
<br />
I have an email you sent me. It’s one of my favorites. As I ponder the path my
next ten years might take, and how much of it is in my control, or how
different it will look, even year to year from what I think, I’m left with this
thought as you were grappling with having an artsy daughter, and I smile a
little bit:</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 10.0pt;"> Dear
Jenny,</span><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 10.0pt;"></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 10.0pt;">
Have you ever considered photo-journalism as a possible career?</span><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 10.0pt;"></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 10.0pt;">
I'm always thinking of things, but it needs to be your call</span><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 10.0pt;"></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 10.0pt;">
Love, Dad</span><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 10.0pt;"></span></div>
jenny44indyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17854736503407730908noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6841212580229293293.post-34402916745181545252013-12-01T20:32:00.000+08:002013-12-01T20:33:10.627+08:00Time and Place Utility<style>
<!--
/* Font Definitions */
@font-face
{font-family:Cambria;
panose-1:2 4 5 3 5 4 6 3 2 4;
mso-font-charset:0;
mso-generic-font-family:auto;
mso-font-pitch:variable;
mso-font-signature:3 0 0 0 1 0;}
/* Style Definitions */
p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal
{mso-style-parent:"";
margin:0in;
margin-bottom:.0001pt;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:12.0pt;
font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-ascii-font-family:Cambria;
mso-fareast-font-family:Cambria;
mso-hansi-font-family:Cambria;
mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman";}
@page Section1
{size:8.5in 11.0in;
margin:1.0in 1.25in 1.0in 1.25in;
mso-header-margin:.5in;
mso-footer-margin:.5in;
mso-paper-source:0;}
div.Section1
{page:Section1;}
-->
</style>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
Recently, I’ve been thinking a lot about presence. Being
present in the given moment versus escapism, day dreaming, etc. – because I’ve
been trying to be more aware of which of the two I’m engaged in at given points
in the day or week.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And when I say escapism, I don’t just mean thinking of a
nice beach and a coconut with a straw close at hand, to me escapism can also be
remembrance of the past and submerging oneself in memory.<br />
<br />
I’m not going to tell you always live in the present moment, because frankly
that would be very hypocritical of me. But I do think it’s important to realize
the rate at which we frame our lives based on the past, present and future.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Lately, I’ve been recalling Bangkok with a tinge of
nostalgia. This is really not news, nor particularly surprising. But as I wait
for news of the current protests and check for updates from friends to see they
are safe – it is clearer than ever my slice of time in that city came to an
end. I am not present there, even when my mind wanders that direction.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’ve been reading a history book on the United States. Yet
again, my time and place are quite off from my actual geographic position in
China. But it has gotten me thinking, about a Welsh word, actually – hiraeth.
One possible definition of this word without English translation: “a
homesickness for a home to which you cannot return, a home which maybe never
was; the nostalgia, the yearning, the grief for the lost places of your past.”<br />
How could I feel a nostalgia for a United States before my birth? How could I
feel nostalgia for a country as it no longer is? As maybe, it only was in my
mind and my upbringing, and not in fact? But I certainly cannot be alone. Even
the offhanded “well back in my day…” it reeks of the concept.<br />
<br />
This is a concept I’ve felt since before leaving the United States. This is, in
some sense, something I think everyone has felt in differing degrees – whether
or not they acknowledge it as such, or simply frame it in the more mundane
terms of phrases such as “life goes on,” “that’s just how it is,” and so forth.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I think we don’t take the proper time to acknowledge our
transitions; rather, we ignore them, we memorialize them, we deny they have
happened and pretend we can spirit from one place to another unchanged – our
same selves in a new context, our ‘good old selves’ when circumstance has
frayed our edges, forgetting that our context begins to define ourselves. And
at some point we look around, and our physical context has stopped matching our
mental picture – and we start to wonder where, exactly, does this character
that I am, on this story journey I have set in motion, fit in to it all any
way? And isn’t that still up to me? So where exactly am I going? I ran out of
map some time ago. I’m just making it up now – so what do I draw on the map
next?<br />
<br />
I don’t mean for this post to be melancholy, I mean for it to be reflective.
Respectful even, in remembering the past – but that felt more important than
the day to day observations at the moment.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So I will leave you with a story I was told many times
growing up, and a memory I like to take the time to cherish when I get lost:</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My father had just been granted permission to drive from his
hometown to his University. He stormed out the door with directions to head
south down a local high way. He promptly bombarded back into the house, and
proclaimed, “Which way’s south?” A tale used to justify directional challenge
of other relatives for years since.<br />
<br />
I have no idea which way south is, or if that’s even the direction I want to be
going. But I’m still going.</div>
jenny44indyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17854736503407730908noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6841212580229293293.post-38159702746756458082013-10-19T18:00:00.003+08:002013-10-19T18:01:28.282+08:00Got That Summertime Sadness<style>
<!--
/* Font Definitions */
@font-face
{font-family:Cambria;
panose-1:2 4 5 3 5 4 6 3 2 4;
mso-font-charset:0;
mso-generic-font-family:auto;
mso-font-pitch:variable;
mso-font-signature:3 0 0 0 1 0;}
/* Style Definitions */
p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal
{mso-style-parent:"";
margin:0in;
margin-bottom:.0001pt;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:12.0pt;
font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-ascii-font-family:Cambria;
mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-fareast-font-family:Cambria;
mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-hansi-font-family:Cambria;
mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi;}
a:link, span.MsoHyperlink
{mso-style-noshow:yes;
color:blue;
text-decoration:underline;
text-underline:single;}
a:visited, span.MsoHyperlinkFollowed
{mso-style-noshow:yes;
color:purple;
text-decoration:underline;
text-underline:single;}
@page Section1
{size:8.5in 11.0in;
margin:1.0in 1.25in 1.0in 1.25in;
mso-header-margin:.5in;
mso-footer-margin:.5in;
mso-paper-source:0;}
div.Section1
{page:Section1;}
-->
</style>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
This is a rather disorganized stream of consciousness.
Enjoy, or yell at me for lack of editing. But here it is in all its glory.
Warning: I talk about religion.<br />
<br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Yes I know it’s now autumn approaching winter. But this is
currently the track stuck in my head. No actually I haven’t watched Gatsby. No
actually I still haven’t finished the novel since 11<sup>th</sup> grade – but
hey. What a great city to reflect on that luxury, Shanghai.<br />
<br />
I had every intention of reflecting on my four days in Bangkok, and then
reflecting on the acquisition of a blue couch, and then reflecting…bother. This
will all be one jumble instead of separate, cleanly divided thoughts. Live
messy.<br />
<br />
I spent four days in Bangkok over the October holiday for Chinese National day.
If you’d like an explanation of the Chinese holiday calendar – might I suggest
reading: <a href="http://www.bjreview.com.cn/nation/txt/2013-10/14/content_572077.htm">http://www.bjreview.com.cn/nation/txt/2013-10/14/content_572077.htm</a>
or</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="http://blogs.wsj.com/chinarealtime/2010/09/17/china-holiday-schedule-is-hard-work/">http://blogs.wsj.com/chinarealtime/2010/09/17/china-holiday-schedule-is-hard-work/</a>
Both indicate this is possibly the most complicated Chinese holiday/work day schedule
ever, or at least for 500 years. And actually, our school, and many other work
places, modified this schedule further still, so figuring out when your friends
are working and when they are free has been a big free for all. And yes, we’ve
had some Saturday workdays – though we have yet to have a Sunday – there is one
Sunday workday in a few months, another Saturday/six day workweek in November.
Woo! Go team! Confused? Me too.<br />
<br />
So I went to Bangkok. Part nostalgia and part I have loose ends to wrap up and
what not. It was a good visit. I got to see some friends. Still missed some
people I would have liked to see again. But overall, despite my nostalgia, in
many ways, it helped me remember why I left, too. And it helped me wrap up
enough loose ends to feel like that chapter is closed, (though not everything).
Some things may just be left hanging, such is life. I have no belongings left
in Bangkok that I intend to retrieve; I cut down and gave away some more before
returning to Shanghai. That’s all done. It’s a relief.<br />
And even on days I long for my balcony, my mango tree and staring up at the
stars, in the words of a dear friend, “we knew it was time for you to go.”
Bangkok will always have a special place in my heart. But the ways I changed
and grew in that city, up to the point I felt I hit a wall – challenged me in
ways I never expected. I expect no less from Shanghai.<br />
<br />
“…Nothing scares me any more. Kiss me hard before you go, Summertime Sadness, I
just wanted you to know, that baby you’re the best.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
On to the domesticity of the couch, then. I distinctly
remember a time when I thought to myself, I’m so close to college graduation,
and when I get out, get my job and my own apartment (HA like it’s just another
check box, it’s not that simple dear) – I’m going to get a couch. I’m going to
get a huge couch, a deep-seated couch, maybe denim, not classy but supremely
comfortable – and when I own a couch, I will be an adult, I will have ‘made
it.’<br />
HA! Well folks, it took me a few more years than I planned, and I’ve moved past
that silly metric of adulthood or ‘making it,’ but nonetheless, I purchased a
turquoise IKEA couch last week. I had it delivered, and then I assembled it all
on my own. Really not that hard, even if it took some effort. And I sat on my
couch and thought, well now Jenny, you have your couch. This isn’t quite what
you expected, (although somewhat satisfying), now is it?<br />
So glad I bit the bullet and did it last week – despite my aversion to debt, my
new friend and colleague has a point – the longer you put it off, the less time
you have to enjoy it. My current furniture shopping spree will be paid off in
less than three months. Would be sooner, except for the particulars of
International wire transfer I’m working under. Don’t ask questions, I got this.
In the meantime I have a couch to sit on. Sometimes, money is just for
spending. Within reason. But money is a made up construct, like so many things
– who is setting the rules any way? I have a couch and I am slightly more
comfortable, if not outright happy, for it. Ah, consumption. Enough on money
matters today.<br />
Transition? We don’t need no stinking transition. Brain doesn’t have those.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br />
On cognitive dissonance in every day life: So, I’ve alluded to having some
difficulty adjusting to life in China, and how actually, it’s less to do with
China than other factors. Let’s discuss this. A lot of it has to do with
religion. If you know me well enough, you will know that, when forced into a
corner (or when asked in a moving taxi) and told to pick a label, I will go
with “maybe?” or really, agnostic, but I’d really rather not play with labels
or take sides. And with that, I’m supremely uncomfortable with conservative
Christianity, as well as very hard line atheism, when directly confronted on
the issue. It’s a rock and a hard place for me, in a Communist country where
the rules about religion have eased in recent years, but are still certainly
very much in place, to be surrounded by so much religion. And neither am I
comfortable with those who outright shun it rather than politely side step. In
the words of Ira Glass, “this is not what I signed up for.”<br />
Really, honestly – I like the thought that, “there is no reason for the Lord
Buddha and the Lord Jesus to fight,” I prefer to sit on the fence than take
sides. Call it cowardice or call it openness, call me a heretic. I think people
should be kind to one another, and at times, I think in certain ways, religion
can be used as emotional black mail. Just as the complete lack of it can be a
guilt trip on one’s intelligence for belief, too. At the end of the day, the
way I see it, what brings you peace is a useful thing. But you should strive to
try not to make other people uncomfortable. There is a case for pushing
people’s comfort zones, and there is a case for allowing people to live their
lives at they see fit. For further thoughts on my view point, see the This
American Life Podcast “Heretics,” about an Evangelical pastor that decides he
no longer believes in hell, that Jesus’ death accounted for everyone whether
they accept Jesus or not. It’s truly beautiful. Ok that’s my rant on religion,
and clarification on why I’ve been feeling so torn up, in some respects.<br />
<br />
Related to, but slightly different from above – I’ve realized that sometimes,
when you think something has been put in your path for you to learn a lesson –
maybe there is someone that needs to learn from you. I told you, I’m agnostic,
I prefer to look for some figment of reason, some spiritual alignment in the
universe even if I’m a little too free spirited to enjoy organized religious
worship or study, and even though I will argue for hours that not everything
has ‘a reason,’ there is randomness and entropy we are subjected to in this
life, as there are moments that are not coincidence, too. I will have my cake
and eat it too.<br />
Over the past few days, some of my cognitive dissonance and discontent has been
challenged in other ways. It is so hard, and so taxing to have to think about
who I can talk to about what – whether it is religious in nature, about our
Chinese tax reporting, or otherwise. It is such a game of masks and I hate
that. I am not unfamiliar with wearing masks, and it would be present in my
home culture, whether there was this level of dissonance or not. But it’s nice
to see a break in the muck at times, to see, here is a place I can help, here
is a place I can grow, too, and be genuine, be me.<br />
<br />
We don’t need no stinking transitions!<br />
A week ago, I severely injured my right ankle. After spending so much of last
year struggling with my left foot and then my back, I’ve been supremely frustrated.
Being someone that prides herself on independence and ‘doing it myself,’ and
living in a culture that doesn’t necessarily ‘do’ handicap accessible – it’s
extremely frustrating. That all I did was miss a stair in the dark and ‘bam,’
that is the most frustrating (nevermind the financial implications and setback
to my savings plan). The gossip at my place of employment, whether extreme or
mild – is also disconcerting.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br />
In some ways, I wish I had written before my injury, to get more of the
philosophical musing down before the hard line ‘and so it goes.’</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I knew this chapter of my adventure would not be easy. It is
a new country for me, an adjustment to so much. I just didn’t forsee quite this
level. I guess that is how it always is. But I will not say “That’s just life,”
I’ve decided I hate that phrase with a passion. Why do I hate that phrase with
a passion? As I reflect on the one year anniversary of a dear friend’s suicide,
just 2 days ago was that anniversary– it’s because of this: when someone is
truly, truly down and nearly out – the phrase “that’s just life,” plays to the
destructive thought “well then why am I living, if this is all there is?”
Perhaps that sounds too extreme, too sensitive. But if I’ve learned anything the
last year, as I’ve faced my cognitive dissonance, culture incongruence,
physical and emotional pain – it’s that the simple things matter. It matters
from having the means to obtain healthy food, to the day or hours by which you
miss a friend in passing during travel, to the slightest sentence – it matters.
Don’t pressurize it, but don’t trivialize it, because it matters.<br />
<br />
I’ve managed to reflect on nostalgia when moving, the domesticity of buying
furniture and briefly, human consumption and debt, religious incongruence, and
my injury and difficulty asking for help. Yeah – you could say I couldn’t pick
a topic today. If you followed along with me, congrats, if you think I’m nuts –
well if you’ve read this far you knew that by now, didn’t you?<br />
<br />
“Nothing scares me any more, kiss me hard before you go.”</div>
jenny44indyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17854736503407730908noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6841212580229293293.post-69042745756266674022013-09-15T22:42:00.000+08:002013-09-15T22:42:45.846+08:00Starships were Meant to Fly
<style>
<!--
/* Font Definitions */
@font-face
{font-family:Cambria;
panose-1:2 4 5 3 5 4 6 3 2 4;
mso-font-charset:0;
mso-generic-font-family:auto;
mso-font-pitch:variable;
mso-font-signature:3 0 0 0 1 0;}
/* Style Definitions */
p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal
{mso-style-parent:"";
margin:0in;
margin-bottom:.0001pt;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:12.0pt;
font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-ascii-font-family:Cambria;
mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-fareast-font-family:Cambria;
mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-hansi-font-family:Cambria;
mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi;}
@page Section1
{size:8.5in 11.0in;
margin:1.0in 1.25in 1.0in 1.25in;
mso-header-margin:.5in;
mso-footer-margin:.5in;
mso-paper-source:0;}
div.Section1
{page:Section1;}
-->
</style>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
Perhaps only in Shanghai can I say I feel almost no
ambiguity having Nicki Minaj in my playlist next to Mongolian Folk Rock. It’s
rather fitting, really.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It’s been quite a week. My anxiety has peaked quite a few
times this week. And frankly, I think my reaction was merited.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
That said, as my anxiety cooled down I realized the cooling
down of the situation was much like looking out over the ridge at Serenity
Valley being overtaken by The Alliance. Oh yeah, I went there. Peace is nigh,
but I’ll still be traipsing around the universe in a secondhand starship, hopes
up high and head down low. Will do my best not to get into a bar fight on
U-Day.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Seriously Jenny, how much Tsingtao HAVE you been drinking,
now? Well today none actually. Then what is wrong with you? Perhaps I have not
been drinking enough Tsingtao. Also I have acquired a bamboo plant. Oh you
don’t like my shiny distraction?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Aside from my mental calculus re: Alliance vs Brown Coats,
there have been other exciting ventures.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Friday night was the worst thunderstorm Shanghai has seen in
four years. The horizontal and spider lightning was rather impressive. The Line
2 Metro was shut down for some time (this is apparently atypical). Someone’s
husband wasn’t allowed out of his office building. Some teachers were trapped
on the Line 2 metro – flooding, power outage? Chinese Whispers flying. People
couldn’t hail a taxi for 30 minutes at a time. Some people couldn’t return home
from hospital visits with the taxi situation. Some of us hailed a black market
van taxi across the river to Puxi. We had two birthdays and one unbirthday to
celebrate, after all, nevermind if it wasn’t the best idea to travel. Mei
Guanxi!<br />
<br />
I saw the strain drawn on other people’s faces as we inched forward in our van.
That other people have their own battle of Serenity raging in their psyche. The
African American teacher that keeps having clothes snatched from her hands and
told “NO!” when she tries to go clothes shopping. The rude gawking stares she
gets out in our suburbiate Shanghai.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The teacher who could not complete his wire transfer across
the Pacific to pay his US mortgage. (I am so glad my transfer to pay down my
credit card processed smoothly.) I realize we all have our walls to climb.<br />
<br />
We finally made it to the Shanghainese home turned restaurant in the Jingan
Temple district. We had three tables, many dishes and many spirits. There were
birthday speeches, and birthday longevity noodles (slurp them in one go, if you
cut them you cut your life). “Don’t give up on China,” said in a thick
Colombian accent. “Don’t give up on China,” the catch phrase of the week. You
are welcome here, little one, with these three tables of celebration, you are.
Friday night was a good night.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Our landlord finally called the gas company about our gas
leak, the 7<sup>th</sup> time we complained. It took my roommate throwing up
from the fumes for them to take us seriously enough to call the gas company.
They were just afraid they’d have to pay to replace the pipe. So, if you have a
gas leak in China, throw up. Or tell them you did. I think perhaps they finally
tightened the leaking valve. I’d say I’m sorry for my words versus my landlord
saving face, but that would imply I cared about it in this situation at this
point, which I don’t. I also got Chinese speakers to call and explain, so
that’s no excuse either. I’d let the cultural thing slide – but it’s gas. Not
ok.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’m sorry, I’m still quite new to China. Making me deal with
a gas leak for a month was not helping everything else at all.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I am not giving up. I really like my classes, my students,
my department – what I wanted to get out of China. A more supportive teaching
environment, closer to the age group and art discipline I want to focus on. But
it is hiking a sand dune, life. Much of what I thought I had figured out has
been a backslide here. I didn’t have these kinds of problems with housing in
Bangkok. I had problems, sure, but not to this scale. I was able to live alone.
My landlords were responsive and helpful. Even the month I went without hot
water, they gave me a key to shower in the apartment next door and apologized the
technician kept cancelling. They let me move apartment units when mildew
overtook my room. They helped, willingly.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Here, I’ve been met with “why don’t you fix it yourself,” like
my old college slum landlords, more than once…<br />
“Don’t give up on China,” in a thick Colombian accent.<br />
<br />
I’m really enjoying the city. And I also realize some of the road blocks some
of the other new teachers have hit, do not phase me at all – having already
been in Asia for nearly 3 years. Other things – well, I hit the wall much
harder. Some things, I’m the only one of us facing a particular wall –
personally, any way. I’m thankful to know I have people standing beside me
where before I was much more culturally isolated. Even if now, instead of the
only white woman my age, we are many westerners, but splintered.<br />
<br />
I tell you what – much like Bangkok, people thought I would have thrown in the
towel much sooner. Some of my close friends in Bangkok were quite surprised I
hadn’t gone home. Let me reiterate, I am nothing if not stubborn. I mean, I am
Year of the Ox and Capricorn; the most stubborn signs of the zodiac by both
Eastern and Western standards. Yep. I went there too.<br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
<br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I sit here while the tones of Altan Urag reverberate through
the living room. Ok, reverberate might be pushing it for laptop speakers. But I
sit here with Mongolian folk rock. And my juxtapositions just keep getting more
and more interesting.</div>
jenny44indyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17854736503407730908noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6841212580229293293.post-76848167505018815412013-09-06T19:44:00.001+08:002013-09-06T21:53:26.936+08:00Rolling with the Punches<style>
<!--
/* Font Definitions */
@font-face
{font-family:Cambria;
panose-1:2 4 5 3 5 4 6 3 2 4;
mso-font-charset:0;
mso-generic-font-family:auto;
mso-font-pitch:variable;
mso-font-signature:3 0 0 0 1 0;}
/* Style Definitions */
p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal
{mso-style-parent:"";
margin:0in;
margin-bottom:.0001pt;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:12.0pt;
font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-ascii-font-family:Cambria;
mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-fareast-font-family:Cambria;
mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-hansi-font-family:Cambria;
mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi;}
@page Section1
{size:8.5in 11.0in;
margin:1.0in 1.25in 1.0in 1.25in;
mso-header-margin:.5in;
mso-footer-margin:.5in;
mso-paper-source:0;}
div.Section1
{page:Section1;}
-->
</style> <br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
It’s been quite a week over here. Students with 4 or 5 study halls in their schedules for days on end; schedules changing in the middle of the day without teachers being notified and missed teaching. The terror when I thought half of my yearbook staff was going to drop, including the one student with a camera, a sentiment that has visited most of the staff in some way or another this week. I don’t even think I’ve seen the half of it. Things have settled, some.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I figured out how to wire money home to North America as dollars!!!! I don’t have to just stuff cash in my bra on the rare occasions I fly back! I know people are staring at me again with that comment.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
There is a new Chinese visa regulation, as of September 1<sup>st</sup>, affecting at least half a dozen newly hired teachers, when we attempted visa extension on September 4<sup>th</sup>. So thankful to be single – the married teachers and those with dependents are those affected. There is more to the story than that, likely. Not particularly kosher of me to elaborate on our theories. A fistful of baht? Would that do it? Wrong country again? Only slightly.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I took a second shot at standup comedy. No colleagues along for the ride this time. Just as well, this is my thing. I got up and filled my time with a slightly more PG (as opposed to last week) variation on my rollerblading fiasco. Oh and for the record – lesbian experiences and ladyboys in Thailand – I will own you if you try that as a pick up line on me.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’m still striking a balance between holding up my professional masks, personal masks and so forth. One thing I’ve noticed – not that it’s necessarily a new observation – but I’ve noticed the burdens others carry showing through this week as the scheduling and visa nonsense wears us down. And in some ways – it’s nice to realize I am not the only one that needs to let my guard down and be real. That perhaps, there is more opportunity to be real than I sometimes think. Even if I still sit back and take in my surroundings a little more carefully first.<br />
Especially as so many have listened to me, these past few weeks a great deal, but really, always, when I’ve needed it. And oh boy, have I needed it. It’s nice to feel I can pay that forward in my own right after so long feeling I was just always taking.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I ate Chinese BBQ street food three nights in a row this week. I hardly batted an eyelash. I didn’t really mean to do that. Aside from my MSG intake I’m really not particularly sorry.<br />
<br />
Two others walked with me to watch some ballroom dancing in the park last night. It was a nice, peaceful, an actually Chinese element to our evening as opposed to oh my gosh we’re back in North America mall cruising. There was some fan dancing aerobics taking place as well.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We ate Muslim noodles, and the toddler had Lady Gaga’s Bad Romance playing on a Samsung Smart Phone. Now there is culture shock, right there. None of the rest is surprising, but Lady Gaga in the Muslim Noodles joint. I have visions of visiting Mongolia someday and Gangnam Style busting out of nowhere. I mean really, it’s not that far fetched if you think about it.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The Chinese government has my passport for the next three weeks to process my residence permit. Or something like that. But they were quite efficient about it while we were there actually. Having spent full days in Thai Immigration, it was hard not to scoff at people asking how long is this going to take for a process lasting under an hour, but I tried. I’ll get it back just in time for my October holiday. So, now is definitely not a good time to get arrested. That was totally on my list for next week. I’m just glad I don’t need to notarize any certificates with one or more embassies, nor is my application held up by health check irregularities. No Thai tapeworms – no Dr. House shout outs. Damn. That would be the perfect disgusting facebook status.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
There is so much swimming through my head, as per usual. There’s a brief snapshot.</div>
jenny44indyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17854736503407730908noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6841212580229293293.post-8966186677943468112013-09-01T22:24:00.003+08:002013-09-01T22:27:39.116+08:00Goals, Momentum and Fapiao<style>
<!--
/* Font Definitions */
@font-face
{font-family:Cambria;
panose-1:2 4 5 3 5 4 6 3 2 4;
mso-font-charset:0;
mso-generic-font-family:auto;
mso-font-pitch:variable;
mso-font-signature:3 0 0 0 1 0;}
/* Style Definitions */
p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal
{mso-style-parent:"";
margin:0in;
margin-bottom:.0001pt;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:12.0pt;
font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-ascii-font-family:Cambria;
mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-fareast-font-family:Cambria;
mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-hansi-font-family:Cambria;
mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi;}
a:link, span.MsoHyperlink
{mso-style-noshow:yes;
color:blue;
text-decoration:underline;
text-underline:single;}
a:visited, span.MsoHyperlinkFollowed
{mso-style-noshow:yes;
color:purple;
text-decoration:underline;
text-underline:single;}
@page Section1
{size:8.5in 11.0in;
margin:1.0in 1.25in 1.0in 1.25in;
mso-header-margin:.5in;
mso-footer-margin:.5in;
mso-paper-source:0;}
div.Section1
{page:Section1;}
-->
</style>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
I said I was going to bed. Of course I did. And then I
created a spreadsheet to track my finances this year, read more email, posted
some more links, downloaded my completed US tax paperwork, put away some
laundry, began another blog post…</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And didn’t you just blog a couple days ago? What is this
about Jenny?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I just don’t stop. That’s still something I haven’t quite
gotten the hang of. Learning to stop. The light switch is either on, or off. No
light switch raves. Coasting in the middle isn’t really how I do things most of
the time.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It’s funny, because I just read a post about setting bigger
goals: <a href="http://chrisguillebeau.com/3x5/your-goals-are-too-small/#comment-96891">http://chrisguillebeau.com/3x5/your-goals-are-too-small/#comment-96891</a>
and the limits of self-censorship: <a href="http://www.fearlessjenn.com/2013/08/30/a-censors-reflection/">http://www.fearlessjenn.com/2013/08/30/a-censors-reflection/</a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Both of which are incredibly relevant to where I’m at – need
to stretch myself more and stop freaking keeping my mouth shut. It’s not good
for me to stop talking. Well – ok that’s a mixed bag. Any way.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
On the one hand, I think taking on China in my second year
of teaching, and some of the other side projects I’ve got cooking, whether or
not I’ve brought them up on here, illustrate some pretty big goals, actually.
I’m finally being less of a wimp again.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
On the other hand, my voice is still subdued. My writing is
still self-censored. It will continue to be – but I am fighting for middle
ground.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Tonight I put together my first fapiao paperwork with a
neighbor’s help. Fapiao is an official Chinese tax receipt. A fapiao will have
an official red stamp. After a purchase or meal you will probably have to take
your regular receipt and then go to a separate counter, or otherwise ask for an
official fapiao. Be sure you have your company’s name written in Chinese when
you get this issued. You will also have to sign the back and/or get a chop made
to stamp the back of your fapiao for verification.<br />
<br />
There are several categories, we have to learn the Chinese characters to
recognize which is which on our fapiao receipts. There are two types of forms
that encompass the 4-6+ categories in different ways. The idea is basically you
submit a bunch of receipts from living expenses: restaurants, taxis, other
transport, rent, food (not grocery, that’s a different category when taken in
translation and does not count), telecommunication… I guess it’s kind of like
itemizing for US taxes, but it’s monthly and a little different.<br />
<br />
A few colleagues have earned the knickname ‘fapiao’ because they are constantly
collecting as many tax receipts as they possibly can in an effort to avoid
taxes. Though, it can be counterproductive – you have to spend more than you’d
pay in tax in order to get the full eligible tax break. So really, just go
about your business but collect your receipts meticulously. And if you have a
friend who doesn’t use a certain kind of fapiao because their contract is
different – get them to collect those for you.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And I thought my US tax filing was confusing.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I am nervous. Earlier today I think I might have been more
nervous than for starting last year. I don’t know. I do know I have a lot more
support and a lot more resources. I also know I’m finally setting forward on
some goals that have been backburnered for some time now.<br />
<br />
I guess we shall see. But take it easy there, Jenny. You’re still checking your
watch when people ask how long you’ve been in Shanghai.</div>
jenny44indyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17854736503407730908noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6841212580229293293.post-29496172098193265812013-08-29T07:40:00.001+08:002013-09-01T22:26:32.545+08:00So I Moved to China<style>
<!--
/* Font Definitions */
@font-face
{font-family:Cambria;
panose-1:2 4 5 3 5 4 6 3 2 4;
mso-font-charset:0;
mso-generic-font-family:auto;
mso-font-pitch:variable;
mso-font-signature:3 0 0 0 1 0;}
/* Style Definitions */
p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal
{mso-style-parent:"";
margin:0in;
margin-bottom:.0001pt;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:12.0pt;
font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-ascii-font-family:Cambria;
mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-fareast-font-family:Cambria;
mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-hansi-font-family:Cambria;
mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi;}
@page Section1
{size:8.5in 11.0in;
margin:1.0in 1.25in 1.0in 1.25in;
mso-header-margin:.5in;
mso-footer-margin:.5in;
mso-paper-source:0;}
div.Section1
{page:Section1;}
-->
</style> <br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’m a little behind on here. Clearly. Some of you are like what, wait, you’re where? You did what? Well you’re probably not actually surprised. I know, I know, my communication and publication has been, haphazard. So moving on.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I moved to Shanghai, China. I’m also teaching here. And while I’m excited, and as it’s my second international move so I’m a little less green – China is a completely different animal. Training wheels off. Was that guy riding by on the motorbike holding up his IV fluid? He was? Well at least he wasn’t driving? It’s like Thailand level of what on Earth, but a lot more, brusque. At the same time – even more hiso (high society, a shortened Thaiglish word that has permanently wedged itself into my vocabulary) here in Shanghai than Bangkok. Well duh. Oh wait training wheels segue…<br />
<br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Unless you are talking about rollerblades. You see the other day I went looking to buy a refrigerator, as you do when you move to China and an unfurnished apartment, and I came home with roller blades instead. The ultimate class distinction problem. Oh I cannot refrigerate my food, I shall recreationally roll around asphalt on wheeled shoes instead.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The benefit of this, as opposed to running, is that you’re working the majority of your leg muscles without overly exerting your plantar fascia tendon. English please? You don’t have to bend your feet up and down. This is very important when you spent the last year hardly being able to walk properly after tearing and/or straining said tendon.<br />
<br />
I have been waking up at 4:40 am frequently. Partially because the entire country of China uses one time zone; and we are in the east (duly noted that the west has late sunsets instead). But also because I lack curtains for the time being.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Since currently our work days are shortened I’ve used this to take advantage of my new roller blades twice this week. On the first occasion, remembering I have not in fact rollerbladed since sixth grade; wiping out on our apartment ramp with our garbage, wiping up when I saw a woman walking a sort of Yorkshire terrier and I leaned back in the slightest and fell smack dab on my butt, and towards the end of my fifth lap when I thought only two wipe outs I can do a sixth lap and I promptly collapsed into a bush. Ok, fine, no more today.<br />
<br />
I am back from my go this morning, during which I decided not to count laps because it’s distracting from the primary task of leaning forward in case of Yorkshire terrier, I think I did quite a few more than five laps, and I did not wipe out at all. My iPod also refrained from falling out of my bra this time, though it’s done a great job making my boobs look rectangular.<br />
<br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I downed more than half a Pocari Sweat upon return to my abode, a beverage which I’m still explaining to some of the newly landed frontiersman. I mean…fellow Americans that are new to Asia.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
One of the reasons I’ve blogged less and less these several months, aside from great frustration at my general situation the past year for myriad reasons – is simply my discomfort with publishing my observations. Boil it all down to that, for whatever reason. And no, not from any law or government – really, my own personal, social situations and career path.<br />
<br />
I still feel that now. I pull out (and on) my masks appropriately. And honestly, it has little to do with China. Or with Thailand. I’m not particularly worried about offending the countries where I reside (they already know if they need to, any way), so much as the people from my home culture, or within my immediate colleague group. I do not wear the mask of a white North American in Asia only. I wear the mask of one working here with many other divergent view points, representing many nations, religions and opinions. Bah I make it sound like I work for the UN. HA! So grandiose.<br />
<br />
My point is, I still wear a lot of masks. And I hate that. So Tuesday evening, after I had gracefully epic failed with the garbage, the yorkie, and those sinister bushes (and what about Grandma with that sword I almost ran into? Ok, just Tai Chi) I got up at an Open Mic Standup Comedy night and let loose for about three minutes.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And it was glorious. For three minutes, I wore no masks. I was completely sober and I blurted out what I damn well wanted to say. What did I say? I’m not publishing that. Yep, she’s teaching your children folks. I hope that such a forum will allow for a greater degree of freedom than amateur internet publishing does, with its slightly more fleeting nature even than the internet, though I hope to continue both ventures.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I have missed writing. I have missed many things. As I wheeled around our apartment compound this morning, one of my many trance tracks came up. Well they were all trance who am I kidding. “How can you sit there watching, someone else? How can you sit there (sit there) watching.” Exactly. Get up and do it.</div>
jenny44indyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17854736503407730908noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6841212580229293293.post-42907669392830088712013-06-30T16:59:00.001+08:002013-06-30T17:00:55.845+08:00Why are you Chasing the bus?<style>
<!--
/* Font Definitions */
@font-face
{font-family:Cambria;
panose-1:2 4 5 3 5 4 6 3 2 4;
mso-font-charset:0;
mso-generic-font-family:auto;
mso-font-pitch:variable;
mso-font-signature:3 0 0 0 1 0;}
/* Style Definitions */
p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal
{mso-style-parent:"";
margin:0in;
margin-bottom:.0001pt;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:12.0pt;
font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-ascii-font-family:Cambria;
mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-fareast-font-family:Cambria;
mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-hansi-font-family:Cambria;
mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi;}
@page Section1
{size:8.5in 11.0in;
margin:1.0in 1.25in 1.0in 1.25in;
mso-header-margin:.5in;
mso-footer-margin:.5in;
mso-paper-source:0;}
div.Section1
{page:Section1;}
</style>
-->
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
I reflect a lot these days, but I do so less frequently in
print. I decided to record some of my recent sentiments today.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I spent three hours trying to catch the number 11 bus today.
Punctuated by a break for lunch at the corner of the bus stop, and an interlude
attempting to use the trains instead - I actually chased down two number 11
buses – one which I missed and one which I caught, only to be told no this is
the wrong bus and not let onboard, I fell back, defeated. And admittedly,
swearing out loud with reckless abandon.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I knew I needed that bus. I knew it was the bus going where
I wanted to be going. I even relaxed after the first miss, standing on the
correct street but the wrong side of the intersection, re-evaluated and got
brunch. After all, even if I needed that bus, I suppose it didn’t matter what
time I caught it – that was my whole plan for the day.<br />
<br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
When it came to being turned away from the bus I thought I
needed, and storming off to a train station and even more maddening confusion
related to that and where the connecting station ‘within walking distance’ even
was – I decided to regroup and go back to my hotel. Tired, frustrated, drugged
up and ready for the next dose and even more dehydrated – really, why was I
chasing that bus? I had no ticket. There was no deadline.<br />
<br />
It was the wall I built for myself. Sometimes, goals and objectives are worthwhile.
Other times, being unable to achieve even the smallest of them, we allow
ourselves to shut down. Or at least, I do.<br />
<br />
I thought about it, and it wasn’t about the bus versus the train versus taxi
fare. It was about my certainty in my own ability to ‘do it,’ to catch that
bus, to do it myself without help. When that didn’t work, when help didn’t pan
out either – it really just represented one thing: another failure. Plummeting
electrolytes did not assist.<br />
<br />
Now you might be saying to yourself damn, it is just a bus calm down. And you’d
be right. But the thing is, it’s not just the bus. And it hasn’t been just the
bus, or the visa, or any of that for some time. And really – the bus is yet
another punctuation of that continued realization – until it sticks, it will be
the bus, or the visa, or whatever it is.<br />
<br />
I guess the point I’m trying to get across is to realize when you don’t need to
chase the bus. When it’s ok to sit down. Buy a bottle of water and find another
perspective. The semi broken colored window panes of a room that seems to serve
no purpose, overlooking pigeon decorated rooftops with old shoes dotting the
mix might do nicely. It’s not the view you were looking for. It’s not
particularly scenic. But it’s a different view. A view from which to clear your
head, and neither the journey nor the destination will matter until you can do
that.<br />
<br />
Perhaps we will try again tomorrow, bus 11 and I.<br />
I have had the sense to acquire a map, at this point.<br />
But I think I will work on the loftier goal of acquiring a Malaysian plug
adapter and dinner. Wherever.</div>
jenny44indyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17854736503407730908noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6841212580229293293.post-50566814766384725342013-04-13T20:42:00.002+08:002013-04-13T20:53:16.706+08:00Reflections on a Year<style>
<!--
/* Font Definitions */
@font-face
{font-family:Cambria;
panose-1:2 4 5 3 5 4 6 3 2 4;
mso-font-charset:0;
mso-generic-font-family:auto;
mso-font-pitch:variable;
mso-font-signature:3 0 0 0 1 0;}
/* Style Definitions */
p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal
{mso-style-parent:"";
margin:0in;
margin-bottom:.0001pt;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:12.0pt;
font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-ascii-font-family:Cambria;
mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-fareast-font-family:Cambria;
mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-hansi-font-family:Cambria;
mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi;}
@page Section1
{size:8.5in 11.0in;
margin:1.0in 1.25in 1.0in 1.25in;
mso-header-margin:.5in;
mso-footer-margin:.5in;
mso-paper-source:0;}
div.Section1
{page:Section1;}
</style><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Tomorrow marks one year.</span></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">I am looking forward to sunrise.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Not only as the middle day of the three day Thai New Year holiday, but of a
project I chose to begin at this time last year. I have made it.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">It has been a full calendar year.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Has the year been perfect? Of course not. Have I accomplished everything I set
for myself at this time last year? No to that as well. But this is bigger than
any of those.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">This has been by far the biggest undertaking of my time abroad, for me.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">I’ve learned a lot.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">I’ve realized that often, being an educator and being somewhat of a journalist
of cultural experience can be incompatible, or may be ill advised in what’s
considered professional.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">I’ve realized that sometimes, self-censorship occurs for reasons that are more
in line with my personal values in caring for others than the need to record
from observation and publish.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">I’ve realized what I think I always knew, but perhaps was afraid to admit – one
year is not enough.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">But nor is the first year, of anything, going to be the best one.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">You may look at me and say – but, you’ve been there two and a half years, so
what are you talking about?</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">And? I’m not just marking time from tarmac to tarmac.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">I’ve realized, or reinforced my idea that you don’t bring your Grinch to
somebody else’s party. If that means you sit inside and sit out much of the
Thai New Year, then so be it. It takes a bigger person to admit they cannot, or
do not want to accommodate others than to fake it. And it takes even more than
that to avoid bringing others down when you are. I value raw and real, but on
this day, you have your celebration and I’ll have mine. And yes – that idea is
part of the accomplishment of this year as much as it shows the steps that lay
ahead for a second year and beyond.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">I’ve realized that what I used to think I wanted, and what I
used to believe to be the order of things – is not the only way the story can
play out. Nor is it the way the story is going to play out. In some ways it’s a
frightening realization, except that, it was always the case whether I realized
it or not. You can make choices to work with and change your circumstances –
but you don’t choose your starting point, or your curve balls. You’ve got to
work with what you’ve got and adapt. And if that ends up leading you further
afield than you first thought well – maybe, to get started, it’s best that way.
It’s much harder to get cold feet if you don’t really know what you’re getting
into. Once you’re in it, well, already here right?</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">I’m not extraordinary. I’m not entitled. Or required in the ways I once
thought.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">I am determined. I am driven. And I am striving forward, often on a path I
never used to see as a viable possibility. Perhaps the greatest blessing of
feeling your world turned upside down a few times early in life – is that it
leads you to question more of the rules – and break more of them to open a new
trail.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">If you’d like to walk with me, really walk with me, I’ll tell you about my
dreams. Walk with me long enough, I have stories to tell beyond that. They
won’t always be sunny. But I promise they will be me.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">It’s only been one year. It’s been a full year! So much has happened.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">There is so much more to come.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">And we’ve got a long road ahead, so let’s keep walking.</span></span></div>
jenny44indyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17854736503407730908noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6841212580229293293.post-21180959641556602013-02-14T17:54:00.000+08:002013-02-14T17:55:20.340+08:00Ten. YOU – Five.<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<o:DocumentProperties>
<o:Template>Normal.dotm</o:Template>
<o:Revision>0</o:Revision>
<o:TotalTime>0</o:TotalTime>
<o:Pages>1</o:Pages>
<o:Words>390</o:Words>
<o:Characters>2228</o:Characters>
<o:Company>Purdue University</o:Company>
<o:Lines>18</o:Lines>
<o:Paragraphs>4</o:Paragraphs>
<o:CharactersWithSpaces>2736</o:CharactersWithSpaces>
<o:Version>12.0</o:Version>
</o:DocumentProperties>
<o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
<o:AllowPNG/>
</o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:WordDocument>
<w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom>
<w:TrackMoves>false</w:TrackMoves>
<w:TrackFormatting/>
<w:PunctuationKerning/>
<w:DrawingGridHorizontalSpacing>18 pt</w:DrawingGridHorizontalSpacing>
<w:DrawingGridVerticalSpacing>18 pt</w:DrawingGridVerticalSpacing>
<w:DisplayHorizontalDrawingGridEvery>0</w:DisplayHorizontalDrawingGridEvery>
<w:DisplayVerticalDrawingGridEvery>0</w:DisplayVerticalDrawingGridEvery>
<w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/>
<w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>
<w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent>
<w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>
<w:Compatibility>
<w:BreakWrappedTables/>
<w:DontGrowAutofit/>
<w:DontAutofitConstrainedTables/>
<w:DontVertAlignInTxbx/>
</w:Compatibility>
</w:WordDocument>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:LatentStyles DefLockedState="false" LatentStyleCount="276">
</w:LatentStyles>
</xml><![endif]-->
<!--[if gte mso 10]>
<style>
/* Style Definitions */
table.MsoNormalTable
{mso-style-name:"Table Normal";
mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0;
mso-tstyle-colband-size:0;
mso-style-noshow:yes;
mso-style-parent:"";
mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt;
mso-para-margin:0in;
mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:12.0pt;
font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-ascii-font-family:Cambria;
mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;
mso-hansi-font-family:Cambria;
mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;}
</style>
<![endif]-->
<!--StartFragment-->
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
Oh how long has it been since you wrote a post? Oh but
shouldn’t you wait and write a positive post? I mean really, does the internet
really need another Delta airlines horror story? The facebook posts were
melodrama enough, dear.<br />
<br />
Oh, true friendship is three days of cleaning out an empty cat litter bucket of
your vomit? Save it. Really, we don’t need to hear that. (I love you guys!)</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So what have I been thinking? Probably that some adventures
can be summarized or skipped over, and just left at that. That and my immune
system hates me. Or maybe I’ve not been nice enough to it.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It’s Valentine’s Day. And no, that doesn’t mean I’m
wallowing about ambiguous situations with the opposite gender. Actually – I’m
most disturbed that this year, I’m not getting up on stage and yelling at a
crowd of strangers about my genitalia. And while I’m blushing typing that this
year, in the previous two years I proudly marched up in front of the Foreign
Correspondent’s Club of Thailand to a packed house and proceeded to give voice
to how ridiculous tampons are (which is ironic, in itself). This year – I have
backed down from even helping run an art table at a combination dance
marathon/monologue event representing the same women’s causes. Sure, I can
blame my food poisoning and my throbbing back pain and I really do feel like utter
crap. But I think that’s a further indication of being off course not just from
eating the street food (It was chicken soup! There were more than 20 people
eating there. Hrmph.) It’s an indication that I’m not really headed on a path I
identify with lately. And that is the upsetting thing.<br />
<!--[if !supportLineBreakNewLine]--><br />
<!--[endif]--></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And frankly, that’s a disconnect I’ve been loathe to give
voice to, because in the space of the disconnect, I’ve let plenty of other
voices that do not resonate with me get under my skin. Worse still, plenty that
do resonate have gotten under my skin too. I’ve balked because I haven’t had
the next thing ready to go in verbal combat. And holding up the armor, and my
focus away from my physical self, has taken a toll.<br />
<br />
I’m not peeling back my façade, but I’m going to admit that my battle has been
a lot more uphill lately. And I’ve considered a lot of things for the coming
year that were not on the table even two months ago. But I’m going to nurture
those ideas the same way I now need to focus on my physical body.<br />
<br />
You might be wondering about the title. I tried a yoga class this week. Twice,
actually. And as I joined the class, the teacher was well aware of my physical
state. As he directed the class to do ten repetitions of something, he looked
me in the eye several times and declared, “YOU, five.” I am not strong enough
to do ten right now. So I will do five.</div>
<!--EndFragment-->jenny44indyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17854736503407730908noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6841212580229293293.post-37149468462344892942012-11-29T21:53:00.002+08:002012-11-29T21:54:32.941+08:00Samsara<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<o:DocumentProperties>
<o:Template>Normal.dotm</o:Template>
<o:Revision>0</o:Revision>
<o:TotalTime>0</o:TotalTime>
<o:Pages>1</o:Pages>
<o:Words>182</o:Words>
<o:Characters>1039</o:Characters>
<o:Company>Purdue University</o:Company>
<o:Lines>8</o:Lines>
<o:Paragraphs>2</o:Paragraphs>
<o:CharactersWithSpaces>1275</o:CharactersWithSpaces>
<o:Version>12.0</o:Version>
</o:DocumentProperties>
<o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
<o:AllowPNG/>
</o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:WordDocument>
<w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom>
<w:TrackMoves>false</w:TrackMoves>
<w:TrackFormatting/>
<w:PunctuationKerning/>
<w:DrawingGridHorizontalSpacing>18 pt</w:DrawingGridHorizontalSpacing>
<w:DrawingGridVerticalSpacing>18 pt</w:DrawingGridVerticalSpacing>
<w:DisplayHorizontalDrawingGridEvery>0</w:DisplayHorizontalDrawingGridEvery>
<w:DisplayVerticalDrawingGridEvery>0</w:DisplayVerticalDrawingGridEvery>
<w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/>
<w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>
<w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent>
<w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>
<w:Compatibility>
<w:BreakWrappedTables/>
<w:DontGrowAutofit/>
<w:DontAutofitConstrainedTables/>
<w:DontVertAlignInTxbx/>
</w:Compatibility>
</w:WordDocument>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:LatentStyles DefLockedState="false" LatentStyleCount="276">
</w:LatentStyles>
</xml><![endif]-->
<!--[if gte mso 10]>
<style>
/* Style Definitions */
table.MsoNormalTable
{mso-style-name:"Table Normal";
mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0;
mso-tstyle-colband-size:0;
mso-style-noshow:yes;
mso-style-parent:"";
mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt;
mso-para-margin:0in;
mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:12.0pt;
font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-ascii-font-family:Cambria;
mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;
mso-hansi-font-family:Cambria;
mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;}
</style>
<![endif]-->
<!--StartFragment-->
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
Philosophical conversation bordering on masochism with
colleagues is a regular part of my school day, generally speaking. Heavy-handed
sarcasm and exaggeration are abundant.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
More than once, the topic of karma has been brought forth.<br />
<br />
One colleague in particular is convinced that he is not learning what he is
supposed to learn at our place of employment, karmically speaking, and is
doomed to repeat it yet again in the next life. I asked him whether he was
certain he had correctly ascertained what it is he is meant to learn here. He
seems quite certain, and quite resolute that he will indeed, succumb to
repeated lessons he is not learning. I am not suggesting I have figured out my
own lesson entirely.<br />
<br />
People suggest quite frequently that I move elsewhere. But of late, my general
response has been to the effect that you can pack misery with you. We each have
a different lesson to gain from the experience life places us in. Perhaps one
of the most important is to learn happiness regardless of circumstance; to
learn happiness despite the continued barrage around us.<br />
<br />
Surely, we keep striving forward. But are we shedding these things that weigh
us down or merely muddling onward? A combination, I’m quite sure.<br />
<!--[if !supportLineBreakNewLine]--><br />
<!--[endif]--></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
As we go forward, moving onward…</div>
<!--EndFragment-->jenny44indyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17854736503407730908noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6841212580229293293.post-73091679136094365532012-11-18T21:39:00.000+08:002012-11-18T21:40:50.770+08:00Behind the Scenes<br />
Sometimes, when we have the least to say, we have the most going on behind the scenes. Writer's block. What to say.<br />
<br />
I successfully organized tie-dyed t-shirts with more than 100 teenagers recently; language barrier and Imperial/Metric conversions (and straight up guesses for complete lack of measuring instructions in either) and all. And in so doing fostered the confidence to do it again in the future. I pushed it knowing how much I wanted that confidence boost.<br />
<br />
I have experienced a fairly high volume of mental shift - and generally a daily reordering of priorities; be they mundane daily tasks, or the grander, longer term plan lately. It doesn't always seem like it, but I feel I've slowly opened the flood gates for a whole series of new ideas that even six months ago did not even seem like remote possibilities. I'm still assessing the stream of them.<br />
<br />
I'm 7 months in to a project that I feel to be of very high importance. Some other things have fallen off along the way, some new stumbling blocks have arisen, but we try to climb the sand dune again any way. And I've got more momentum this time. Despite a righteous wipeout in mid-October, still going.<br />
<br />
I will not run even a 3K again before 2013 as my foot heals. My photography is still backlogged. My taxation frustration is not going anywhere. New big ideas are just fermenting, and I am impatient for them to mature. In many things, it appears back to the drawing board. But my drawing board, while I feel it's filled with childish imaginings and farfetched hodgepodge, has expanded. And much like my life drawing class* - maybe you have to find a bigger canvas before you start to figure out how best to fill it. Perhaps wiping things off and widening the corridors is exactly what we need first.<br />
<br />
Notes: *My life drawing instructor suggested working on a larger paper, and my work really bloomed from that point of the semester onwards, working in the larger format.jenny44indyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17854736503407730908noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6841212580229293293.post-28892576878914197952012-10-24T19:19:00.000+08:002012-10-24T19:21:29.191+08:00Reflections of Grief<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<o:DocumentProperties>
<o:Template>Normal.dotm</o:Template>
<o:Revision>0</o:Revision>
<o:TotalTime>0</o:TotalTime>
<o:Pages>1</o:Pages>
<o:Words>999</o:Words>
<o:Characters>5699</o:Characters>
<o:Company>Purdue University</o:Company>
<o:Lines>47</o:Lines>
<o:Paragraphs>11</o:Paragraphs>
<o:CharactersWithSpaces>6998</o:CharactersWithSpaces>
<o:Version>12.0</o:Version>
</o:DocumentProperties>
<o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
<o:AllowPNG/>
</o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:WordDocument>
<w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom>
<w:TrackMoves>false</w:TrackMoves>
<w:TrackFormatting/>
<w:PunctuationKerning/>
<w:DrawingGridHorizontalSpacing>18 pt</w:DrawingGridHorizontalSpacing>
<w:DrawingGridVerticalSpacing>18 pt</w:DrawingGridVerticalSpacing>
<w:DisplayHorizontalDrawingGridEvery>0</w:DisplayHorizontalDrawingGridEvery>
<w:DisplayVerticalDrawingGridEvery>0</w:DisplayVerticalDrawingGridEvery>
<w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/>
<w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>
<w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent>
<w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>
<w:Compatibility>
<w:BreakWrappedTables/>
<w:DontGrowAutofit/>
<w:DontAutofitConstrainedTables/>
<w:DontVertAlignInTxbx/>
</w:Compatibility>
</w:WordDocument>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:LatentStyles DefLockedState="false" LatentStyleCount="276">
</w:LatentStyles>
</xml><![endif]-->
<!--[if gte mso 10]>
<style>
/* Style Definitions */
table.MsoNormalTable
{mso-style-name:"Table Normal";
mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0;
mso-tstyle-colband-size:0;
mso-style-noshow:yes;
mso-style-parent:"";
mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt;
mso-para-margin:0in;
mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:12.0pt;
font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-ascii-font-family:Cambria;
mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;
mso-hansi-font-family:Cambria;
mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;}
</style>
<![endif]-->
<!--StartFragment-->
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
Alright, that’s it. That’s death number three in four
months. And if you go back to April, you can count the family dog as number
four.<br />
<br />
But this most recent loss has shaken me up the most.<br />
Grandpa died peacefully in his sleep.<br />
The other unexpected death was unnerving, and I pushed through and put on my
“I’m strong I can deal with this mask,” like I always do. Skip mascara, just in
case.<br />
<br />
This past Friday morning (Bangkok time) felt like being kick boxed in the
sternum.<br />
<br />
I have lost the friend that has been my biggest supporter since moving to
Bangkok, the most frequently in contact, and someone I thought was going to be
a positive force in my life for decades to come. I have lost a mentor and
friend for whom I held deep respect – and for whom I still can’t quite process
what’s happened to the past few months.<br />
<br />
Since August, when my friend’s trouble began, we’d been in touch even more
regularly. The past month, we were in email contact daily.<br />
<br />
This past Thursday morning, I was a righteous grump at morning assembly.
Frustrations with work, Bangkok life, the American elections, the list goes on.
But more than that – my friend hadn’t emailed. I think I already sensed
something was gravely wrong. I wish I were wrong. I was still making up other
possible scenarios, putting it off. It’s just as well I went straight to bed on
Thursday – at least I got a full night’s sleep first.<br />
<br />
Anyone that moves to another country has a reason, or multiple reasons for it.
A big reason that many leave the shores of their homeland that we often don’t
admit to is grief. Everyone has a story – whether economic or emotional, for
being so far from ‘home.’</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
When my entire family was grieving, I felt smothered. I felt
blamed. I felt trapped. I could not find the space to heal on my own without
carving it out for myself, far far from home. I have felt deep seeded
wanderlust, I have felt a specific curiosity about Asia, and Thailand alone. I
do not wish to repeat the mistakes of so many who regret not traveling more in
their youth. I needed to follow the opportunity placed before me for experience
in teaching, and seeing things from a view other than that of Middle America.
But if I’m truly honest – I needed to grieve.<br />
<br />
Thailand offers lots of methods for placating what ails you – sunshine,
beaches, jungle huts, alcohol, illicit substances, medical tourism, sex
tourism, Buddhist meditation, Thai massage, aromatherapy, retail therapy – the
list goes on. Surely something on the list suits most everyone.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
What’s interesting to me – is how determined I was to create
the space for myself to heal, and how far I’ve come – yet how much at this
moment, I really and truly am the most homesick I’ve felt since arriving here.
Unlike before, when I felt the pressure of family smothering me – with the loss
of my dear friend – I want nothing more than to be with the people I knew in
college, the family I felt so oppressed by as we each found our own paths to
grieve.<br />
<br />
And it’s a reminder, too, of what we cannot take for granted. Of all the people
that I thought might commit suicide, that I worried about – I never, ever
imagined he would. I cannot imagine what he went through these past nine weeks
prior to his death – the doctor’s visits, the lack of answers – or feel what
the flood of medications made him feel. And it’s not my place to reveal more of
his story here. But to try and remember the human compassion we so often
reminded each other we denied ourselves in our hyperactive self-criticism;
especially at this moment to allow for the grace of human kindness and at the
least – an end of great suffering.<br />
<br />
In a couple of days, it will be my two-year anniversary of living in Bangkok.
I’ve been planning a blog post for that day for over a year and a half,
whatever form it may take; or whether it may be late – or not what I thought
given my current state of mind.<br />
<br />
I will be ‘home’ at Christmas and New Years – whichever zip code or couch
crashing spot I may find myself in. And I’ll be paying my respects several
times, it appears.<br />
<br />
Shortly before his death, my friend told me I’m one of the strongest and
kindest people he has ever known. For once – I accept the compliment, and
believe it – instead of slicing it to bits and questioning myself about how
it’s not correct, how I still just don’t measure up. Life is too short. And
there is no such thing as being perfect – especially if being perfect comes
without being happy.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Everyone grieves differently. Each grief adds a new depth to
the loss one has experienced before. I’m not sure you ever really ‘get over
it,’ but you learn to move forward, and upward. Like hiking Mount Baldy – the
sand dune – one step up, half a step back. You keep going.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’m not going to say I’m thankful, for this loss, or that
all things happen for a reason. I hate those sayings. But it’s certainly been a
wake up call in my quest of figuring out my life purpose, and soldiering
forward on the path of figuring out when I am happy and what I really, deep
down am passionate about. So many days I doubt I’ve really quite felt it out
yet, my real driving passion – which is exhilarating, terrifying, and normal. I
guess. But I do know that hinging one’s sense of self too heavily on one
passion or identity is entirely too dangerous; and the flexibility, some say
the inability to make decisions and focus – is a great gift in itself. When you
can change, you can survive. Hopefully, you can thrive.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It’s about 6pm and with the massive storm clouds rolling in
it’s pitch black outside. I could use a little more sunlight – but maybe once
the thunder and lightning hits, it’ll feel like back home in Indiana.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So many people, including the friend lost unexpectedly in
July, say “do it now.” And yes – you should do something, now. But you cannot
do everything ‘now,’ and if the simple mandate to ‘do it now’ causes you
anxiety – learn to live, and change, and move forward – but grant yourself the
grace to slow down, and to let yourself heal, and to tell yourself “you’re
already a great person, and this world needs you, even if in this moment, you
just need the world.” Gah now I feel like I’ve gone all mushy. Don’t worry, the
world needs my sarcasm and it will be back in short order. But it’s also true,
what was said to me recently: “you’re using all your energy to keep up this
mask, and you don’t have any energy left to give.” Well, there. Defenses down.
Ok?<br />
<br />
I’m kind, and I’m strong – and today I’m admitting that the two are not always
mutually exclusive as I’m just trying to be kind to myself.<br />
<!--[if !supportLineBreakNewLine]--><br />
<!--[endif]--></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Ultimately, I believe this loss will shape the artwork I
create, the continued education I pursue, and add some good hard scar tissue to
both qualities my friend felt I possess, strength and kindness.<br />
<br />
To all my dear friends and family – near and far, in and out of touch – I love
you, I miss you. And when I’m far away, I think of you fondly.</div>
<!--EndFragment-->jenny44indyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17854736503407730908noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6841212580229293293.post-24208347939214432562012-09-17T22:05:00.000+08:002012-09-17T22:05:44.689+08:00Reflections: Teaching Abroad, the Chicago Teacher’s Strike and The Need to Fly
<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<o:DocumentProperties>
<o:Template>Normal.dotm</o:Template>
<o:Revision>0</o:Revision>
<o:TotalTime>0</o:TotalTime>
<o:Pages>1</o:Pages>
<o:Words>1339</o:Words>
<o:Characters>7636</o:Characters>
<o:Company>Purdue University</o:Company>
<o:Lines>63</o:Lines>
<o:Paragraphs>15</o:Paragraphs>
<o:CharactersWithSpaces>9377</o:CharactersWithSpaces>
<o:Version>12.0</o:Version>
</o:DocumentProperties>
<o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
<o:AllowPNG/>
</o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:WordDocument>
<w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom>
<w:TrackMoves>false</w:TrackMoves>
<w:TrackFormatting/>
<w:PunctuationKerning/>
<w:DrawingGridHorizontalSpacing>18 pt</w:DrawingGridHorizontalSpacing>
<w:DrawingGridVerticalSpacing>18 pt</w:DrawingGridVerticalSpacing>
<w:DisplayHorizontalDrawingGridEvery>0</w:DisplayHorizontalDrawingGridEvery>
<w:DisplayVerticalDrawingGridEvery>0</w:DisplayVerticalDrawingGridEvery>
<w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/>
<w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>
<w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent>
<w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>
<w:Compatibility>
<w:BreakWrappedTables/>
<w:DontGrowAutofit/>
<w:DontAutofitConstrainedTables/>
<w:DontVertAlignInTxbx/>
</w:Compatibility>
</w:WordDocument>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:LatentStyles DefLockedState="false" LatentStyleCount="276">
</w:LatentStyles>
</xml><![endif]-->
<!--[if gte mso 10]>
<style>
/* Style Definitions */
table.MsoNormalTable
{mso-style-name:"Table Normal";
mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0;
mso-tstyle-colband-size:0;
mso-style-noshow:yes;
mso-style-parent:"";
mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt;
mso-para-margin:0in;
mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:12.0pt;
font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-ascii-font-family:Cambria;
mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-hansi-font-family:Cambria;
mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;}
</style>
<![endif]-->
<!--StartFragment-->
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
I've been following the Chicago Teacher's Strike to some
degree. I see merits on both sides of the argument. From let the young,
qualified and unemployed teachers have a chance if you don't want the job (an
argument that is hard for me to downplay as a young teacher with so many
friends who cannot obtain teaching jobs); to the clear erosion of teacher's
rights and what is in fact, best for the students within America's schools –
the points the strike is trying to make the general public more aware of.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Anyone that says the Chicago teachers are being selfish and
not thinking of the kids; just be glad you have a job! - have clearly not read
the entire list of arguments or bothered to look past teacher's asking for a
raise (which, as some of the lowest paid professionals out there is backlash
from the economic downturn, but also ridiculous).</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The litany of ways education, and thus teachers and
students, are being pulled in every direction in the US is ridiculous. The
teacher burnout rate for new teachers is at an all time high. Mentor teachers
confide they would not want to enter the profession for the first time now -
again and again. They will us younger teachers strength and perseverance. But
that alone will not keep teachers. Even the most stubborn, the most determined
among us have our limits.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’ve learned that my post-graduation path, while not my
original plan, has been a great blessing and a learning curve I never expected
to undertake. I cannot even imagine the person I would be if I had followed my
‘path’ to teaching art in the US before ever teaching abroad – perhaps I would
have become stuck, or comfortable there and never left. Which is an incredibly
frightening thought as I sit here with my culture shock, cognitive dissonance
and inability to ever fully portray life in Thailand to those back home – and
really love all of that, bumps and all. I’m honestly more terrified of what my
life would look like without these perspectives than any challenges I currently
face abroad.<br />
<br />
And I have to confess what many people already knew: I’m not sure I would want
to come back and teach in the states, the way things are going. And I am quite
passionate about teaching, I’m fascinated by the culture here and Asia is full
of job opportunities for teaching so…<br />
<br />
I struggle with many of the same things the Chicago Public Teachers face. Lack
of supplies, things not being ready before the first day of school. 40C
classrooms (that’s 104F, folks…) The air conditioner was fixed, but they still
sputter out in the April and May hot season (and I’m spoiled, rural schools
don’t have AC). I have less labour protections as an expat in Thailand than a
teacher in the states; at least that is if you can get hired as a full-time teacher
there. I have to deal with Immigration. Every single one of my students is
English as a Second Language. Special Ed is generally not done here (as in,
often just not spoken about) – the systems that are in place are so completely
different from the Individualized Education Plans in the states (though we
sometimes use that terminology) it makes my head spin. I’m lucky that I
personally have small class sizes – whereas 35, 40 or 50 (even 60) students are
par for the course in most Thai schools. No, it’s no way to teach.<br />
<br />
Despite it all – I get to go to work and have a student hand me their drawing
of zombie Neil Armstrong flying a rocket. I’m slowly culling Doraemon, Mickey
Mouse and other cartoon copycats from my student’s sketchbooks and fostering
the use of their imagination and drawing from the world around them. I’m
clearing 5 years of art room detritus little by little, asking my students to
think beyond copying, pasting and regurgitating. And I’m slowly winning my
students over. At the end of last term, just a couple of months from when I
began, students were actually being told to put their art sketchbooks away
during other lessons. Since I’ve instituted the choice based sketchbook
assignment, some students run up to me to show me their homework before it is
due. And while I’m experiencing a bit of a paperwork bog; I remind myself of
the Zombie Neil Armstrongs, the student that runs up to explain the elaborate
details behind their drawing – the reason I’m doing any of this in the first
place.<br />
<br />
I’m reminded of my former English students – that tell me on Ajarn Jenny’s
facebook they want me back. I’m reminded that even when I’m most frustrated,
most out of sorts – more than anything I want the best for my students.
Sometimes I push too hard, but not from any corporate agenda; for my students
to think and question for themselves. The dangerous kind of teaching – the real
kind, not just the cookie cutter variety.<br />
<br />
Teacher’s aren’t walking out on students because they are greedy. Teachers are
walking out because the ‘reform’ occurring in America is stamping out those
joyous moments in favor of a greater paperwork burden that is of no benefit to
students (and the list goes on, if you care to do your ehem, homework on why
teachers are pushing back against the ‘reforms’)– and it’s simply demoralizing.
Nevermind any of the economics, the accountability – surely everyone can
understand that when morale is down, everything suffers – including the
results. The enemy’s morale is down. (Not just an insinuation that teacher’s
are the new ‘enemy,’ name that book reference). I will not explain the list of
teacher grievances here. That could be it’s own blog; and those blogs exist, by
people that keep a closer eye on things than I.<br />
<br />
My long term plans are uncertain. I have many different possibilities, and as a
general rule I like to keep my cards close to my chest. I don’t even know how
to play poker but you get the idea. But having been abroad for nearly two years
– I see so many more possibilities than I ever saw in 24 years living in
Indiana. And as the pinch continues, I’m not sure why, besides my incredible
craving for a proper sandwich, I’d come back to such bleak economic conditions,
and more importantly – respect black holes. Yes, my family and friends are in
the United States. Sure, supposedly the healthcare situation is better (but we
ain’t outta the woods yet).<br />
<br />
I’m sorry guys; you knew I had to fly. Even those that preferred I not go –
deep down, you knew. It was on the back burner for some time, not even a
possibility at other junctions – but I was always meant to go.<br />
<br />
It took some time for me to come to terms with my talent for teaching, not the
least of which because the way teachers are treated has been degrading for
years (and you know, I was supposed to be an auto mechanic! Er…doctor). But if
you’re truly a gifted educator, or painter, or runner, or whatever – you can’t
NOT follow that passion without running your soul dry. Yeah yeah, double
negative. Creative license yo!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
All I can say is that I care about my students. I care about
getting them to think outside the box – in ways that are never represented on a
multiple choice, or any kind of state exam (art is rarely represented – perhaps
in 2 US states the last time I checked?) And even then – the ways I teach my
students to think cannot be bubbled in. They are not simply essays. They are
visual incarnations, new connections and the fodder of misfits. You can’t make
Steve Jobs with a Gao Kao style of education. So for all the hype about China,
China, China is beating us! (Don’t get me wrong I’m fascinated by China, but
not in the alarmist way so many in American education seem to be). I roll my
eyes. Beating us at what? Stripping the creative thought from education, the
very thing that once made American education great?<br />
<br />
Sometimes my students ask me, “Teacher is it ok? Teacher, is it nice?” I try to
turn the question around and get them to consider whether they like it; what
their opinion of their own work is – to consider that my view as the teacher is
not the ultimate authority, but their own perspective and happiness is far more
important than whether I tell them it is ‘nice.’ (Though trying to explain this
to Year 5 students nearly resulted in tears when I asked them to question what
is ‘nice’ and I did not simply say yes that is nice.)<br />
<br />
My Thai students (and Indian students, etc.) are so creative. The model of
education in Thailand certainly has it’s own issues. But when people ask me why
I’m in Thailand – it’s not just the beaches, the art, culture, food or climate.
It’s certainly not the dating prospects.<br />
<br />
It is the respect I receive as a teacher, and the ability to perform the job I
studied for 5 years to pursue. And frankly, following my passion is more
important than helping propel the nation of my birth forward – especially when
it’s going the wrong way. Politics aside – US teachers have just had it. And
the Chicago Teacher’s strike is just a tiny sliver of how teachers; even the
best and least political – really feel these days. My own public education did
a great job – I see no reason I should not help educate the students of a
nation other than my own – even exclusively. Call me a cynic, a pessimist, a
traitor, selfish or an idealist – I am all of them. I would never be where I am
today without the great leadership of my own schoolteachers. I can only hope
that someday my students say the same of me.</div>
<!--EndFragment-->jenny44indyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17854736503407730908noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6841212580229293293.post-48679219778485263062012-09-08T07:32:00.001+08:002012-09-08T07:32:41.850+08:00Cat Spy Headquarters<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<o:DocumentProperties>
<o:Template>Normal.dotm</o:Template>
<o:Revision>0</o:Revision>
<o:TotalTime>0</o:TotalTime>
<o:Pages>1</o:Pages>
<o:Words>152</o:Words>
<o:Characters>870</o:Characters>
<o:Company>Purdue University</o:Company>
<o:Lines>7</o:Lines>
<o:Paragraphs>1</o:Paragraphs>
<o:CharactersWithSpaces>1068</o:CharactersWithSpaces>
<o:Version>12.0</o:Version>
</o:DocumentProperties>
<o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
<o:AllowPNG/>
</o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:WordDocument>
<w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom>
<w:TrackMoves>false</w:TrackMoves>
<w:TrackFormatting/>
<w:PunctuationKerning/>
<w:DrawingGridHorizontalSpacing>18 pt</w:DrawingGridHorizontalSpacing>
<w:DrawingGridVerticalSpacing>18 pt</w:DrawingGridVerticalSpacing>
<w:DisplayHorizontalDrawingGridEvery>0</w:DisplayHorizontalDrawingGridEvery>
<w:DisplayVerticalDrawingGridEvery>0</w:DisplayVerticalDrawingGridEvery>
<w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/>
<w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>
<w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent>
<w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>
<w:Compatibility>
<w:BreakWrappedTables/>
<w:DontGrowAutofit/>
<w:DontAutofitConstrainedTables/>
<w:DontVertAlignInTxbx/>
</w:Compatibility>
</w:WordDocument>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:LatentStyles DefLockedState="false" LatentStyleCount="276">
</w:LatentStyles>
</xml><![endif]-->
<!--[if gte mso 10]>
<style>
/* Style Definitions */
table.MsoNormalTable
{mso-style-name:"Table Normal";
mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0;
mso-tstyle-colband-size:0;
mso-style-noshow:yes;
mso-style-parent:"";
mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt;
mso-para-margin:0in;
mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:12.0pt;
font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-ascii-font-family:Cambria;
mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-hansi-font-family:Cambria;
mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;}
</style>
<![endif]-->
<!--StartFragment-->
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
There is a family of cats that lives in the roof above my
classroom. I guess no one has read them the section of the student handbook
that expressly forbids stray animals at school (unless they are science
laboratory experiments and kept in the classroom…)</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But really, I think the mama cat and her litter of two have
the right idea.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
They make the school a better place in several ways.<br />
They keep the mouse/rat population down.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
They provide entertainment during assembly by wrestling with
each other and attacking mama cat’s tail on the rooftop.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
They provide creative inspiration – one of my students has
informed me that the cabinet under the stairs is cat spy headquarters.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
They don’t ask questions.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
They don’t tell lies.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
When there are unexplained bumping noises coming from my
ceiling I can think to myself, oh that’s just the cats.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The cat family doesn’t bother to take the school handbook
too seriously, get bent out of shape over deadlines or perpetually rescheduled
meetings.<br />
When mama cat is annoyed, she just hisses at you – end of discussion.</div>
<!--EndFragment-->jenny44indyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17854736503407730908noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6841212580229293293.post-64625666786587077982012-08-27T03:05:00.002+08:002012-08-27T03:06:53.305+08:00The Price of Silence<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<o:DocumentProperties>
<o:Template>Normal.dotm</o:Template>
<o:Revision>0</o:Revision>
<o:TotalTime>0</o:TotalTime>
<o:Pages>1</o:Pages>
<o:Words>797</o:Words>
<o:Characters>4544</o:Characters>
<o:Company>Purdue University</o:Company>
<o:Lines>37</o:Lines>
<o:Paragraphs>9</o:Paragraphs>
<o:CharactersWithSpaces>5580</o:CharactersWithSpaces>
<o:Version>12.0</o:Version>
</o:DocumentProperties>
<o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
<o:AllowPNG/>
</o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:WordDocument>
<w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom>
<w:TrackMoves>false</w:TrackMoves>
<w:TrackFormatting/>
<w:PunctuationKerning/>
<w:DrawingGridHorizontalSpacing>18 pt</w:DrawingGridHorizontalSpacing>
<w:DrawingGridVerticalSpacing>18 pt</w:DrawingGridVerticalSpacing>
<w:DisplayHorizontalDrawingGridEvery>0</w:DisplayHorizontalDrawingGridEvery>
<w:DisplayVerticalDrawingGridEvery>0</w:DisplayVerticalDrawingGridEvery>
<w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/>
<w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>
<w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent>
<w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>
<w:Compatibility>
<w:BreakWrappedTables/>
<w:DontGrowAutofit/>
<w:DontAutofitConstrainedTables/>
<w:DontVertAlignInTxbx/>
</w:Compatibility>
</w:WordDocument>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:LatentStyles DefLockedState="false" LatentStyleCount="276">
</w:LatentStyles>
</xml><![endif]-->
<!--[if gte mso 10]>
<style>
/* Style Definitions */
table.MsoNormalTable
{mso-style-name:"Table Normal";
mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0;
mso-tstyle-colband-size:0;
mso-style-noshow:yes;
mso-style-parent:"";
mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt;
mso-para-margin:0in;
mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:12.0pt;
font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-ascii-font-family:Cambria;
mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;
mso-hansi-font-family:Cambria;
mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;}
</style>
<![endif]-->
<!--StartFragment-->
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
I am sitting at my computer screen doing something I am very
good at – not what I’m supposed to be doing.<br />
I’ve washed all the dirty dishes in the sink, checked nearly every social
network I frequent several times, combated the email inbox, spent far too much
time reading the Atlantic and I’ve lost track of how many ants I’ve swept off
of my computer. The little ones must like the heat of the battery or something…<br />
<br />
I haven’t written on the blog in a couple of months. While I will use the month
of Great Fire Wall as a convenient excuse, and I’ve certainly been busy – I’ve
also missed it. And I’ve been at a loss for what to say.<br />
<br />
You see what I’ve realized is that somewhere over the past several months,
there was a greater tectonic shift in my mindset from “oh my gosh I’m a
three-days old newbie” to “do I really have to explain this again? Should I
even explain this?” And while that summary may sound negative, I do not intend
to convey that it is a completely negative thing. Quite the opposite in some
ways.<br />
<br />
But I realize with greater clarity the difficulty of blogging about what I’ve
been up to. And the thing is – I’m not just blogging about travel. I’m not just
blogging about another culture. This is my career path, this is my job, and this
is laced with a heftier responsibility than I’ve sometimes given it credit.<br />
<br />
I was presented with this scenario before, regarding etiquette when visiting
orphanages: the hoards and hoards of tourists that photograph the kids, hugging
them and playing with them and posting them to facebook, blogs, etc. Something
I have done, by the way. And then being posed the question, would you ever do
that in your home country? No. Then why do it here? Having the lens turned like
that, and not just in this one example, but over and over and over again has
left more questions than answers, and more doubt than clear charge ahead
courage.<br />
<br />
It’s actually written in my current contract that I not discuss my employment,
students, parents, anything on any social media in any shape or form. That’s a
pretty hefty clause there. And while I understand it’s purpose, that it’s much
more ‘international’ to hold that standard, it’s also an interesting line to
draw having set myself up as blogging through my education experiences in Thailand.
It’s kind of a cold hard slap in the face, really. And where does one draw the
line? Can I say oh hey, I’m excited about such and such painting project? And
really truly it comes down to common sense and discretion. Or what I like to
refer to as proactive paranoia.<br />
<br />
But just as I’m feeling cut-off from myself having felt uninspired to create my
own artwork, or find a venue to play my trumpet in a concert setting, or the
vast majority of the things that for many years – seemed to define me, as I saw
fit to define myself – I cannot deny myself writing.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I haven’t learned how to balance what I want to write,
paint, draw and say with the above the bar, role model expectations of a
primary/secondary teacher. I know I am not alone in that. I’ve learned to embrace
a quieter self, a more reserved presence – but that’s ultimately not who I am.
While there is power in silence, restraint and stopping to think – sometimes
that’s exactly the problem.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The more you stop to think, to self-censor, to adjust – the
more you just end up with silence.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It’s funny, that as a woman so opposed to censorship, I’m
most intrigued by the places that most limit these freedoms.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
What I do know is that as I grow as an educator – I’ve got
to lead by example, and I’ve got to develop my own voice again if I can ever
expect to cultivate the same in my students. How many times have I read that,
bookmarked a blog post, scoured an education blog – but simply increasing how
many pages of the internet I read per day does not equate taking action.<br />
<br />
I’ve grown a lot, in this time of silence. And I’m not sure how to accurately
convey that in words. Which perhaps says enough in itself.<br />
<br />
In the past two months I’ve done a lot. I’ve taught kindergarten. I’ve lost my
paternal grandfather. I’ve ridden the China Harmony high-speed rail. I’ve
encountered my first drunk chicken. I’ve partied in Pudong. I saved the night,
I might add, but you’ll have to ask for that story in person.<br />
I’ve set ridiculous new travel goals.<br />
I’ve faced Thai Immigration again. No red ink this time! *huge sigh of relief*<br />
I’ve been superwoman on an epic trip back to Bangkok from the east coast of
Thailand; including grabbing two packs and bucking off the Khao Sarn Road taxi
vultures in a stressful situation.<br />
I started the school year as a One Woman Show. My fellow art teacher quit the
night before the kids came back. Thanks dude, thanks. We have a new art teacher
starting in his place from tomorrow, thank goodness.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’ve taken up a couple of part time tutoring gigs to
supplement my income, as well as expand my teaching skills.<br />
<br />
I still haven’t caught up on my photo backlog. If you know me well enough, you
probably know how much of a hard time I’m giving myself about this fact.<br />
I’m feeling paperwork paralysis. I’m making great strides and still giving
myself the same ridiculous hard time I always do. But – I’ve realized that last
part.<br />
<br />
I suppose the pent up need to write, to paint, to belt something out on a
trumpet, to run, to do all the things that make me who I am have been screaming
that there’s more than being a travel superwoman and educator, and while I’ve
rocked those two pretty well lately; the other aspects need some attention.</div>
<!--EndFragment-->jenny44indyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17854736503407730908noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6841212580229293293.post-84610396881804086252012-05-31T00:09:00.000+08:002012-05-31T00:09:35.662+08:00Days Like Tuesday<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<o:DocumentProperties>
<o:Template>Normal.dotm</o:Template>
<o:Revision>0</o:Revision>
<o:TotalTime>0</o:TotalTime>
<o:Pages>1</o:Pages>
<o:Words>728</o:Words>
<o:Characters>4151</o:Characters>
<o:Company>Purdue University</o:Company>
<o:Lines>34</o:Lines>
<o:Paragraphs>8</o:Paragraphs>
<o:CharactersWithSpaces>5097</o:CharactersWithSpaces>
<o:Version>12.0</o:Version>
</o:DocumentProperties>
<o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
<o:AllowPNG/>
</o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:WordDocument>
<w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom>
<w:TrackMoves>false</w:TrackMoves>
<w:TrackFormatting/>
<w:PunctuationKerning/>
<w:DrawingGridHorizontalSpacing>18 pt</w:DrawingGridHorizontalSpacing>
<w:DrawingGridVerticalSpacing>18 pt</w:DrawingGridVerticalSpacing>
<w:DisplayHorizontalDrawingGridEvery>0</w:DisplayHorizontalDrawingGridEvery>
<w:DisplayVerticalDrawingGridEvery>0</w:DisplayVerticalDrawingGridEvery>
<w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/>
<w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>
<w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent>
<w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>
<w:Compatibility>
<w:BreakWrappedTables/>
<w:DontGrowAutofit/>
<w:DontAutofitConstrainedTables/>
<w:DontVertAlignInTxbx/>
</w:Compatibility>
</w:WordDocument>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:LatentStyles DefLockedState="false" LatentStyleCount="276">
</w:LatentStyles>
</xml><![endif]-->
<!--[if gte mso 10]>
<style>
/* Style Definitions */
table.MsoNormalTable
{mso-style-name:"Table Normal";
mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0;
mso-tstyle-colband-size:0;
mso-style-noshow:yes;
mso-style-parent:"";
mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt;
mso-para-margin:0in;
mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:12.0pt;
font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-ascii-font-family:Cambria;
mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;
mso-hansi-font-family:Cambria;
mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;}
</style>
<![endif]-->
<!--StartFragment-->
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
Alright; ain’t gonna find time to write a ‘proper’ blog
post, so here goes spitting one out before my brain is totally fried. Well, my
brain is totally fried, but whatever. Tuesday and Wednesday are my busiest
teaching days of the week. But set that aside for now and let’s get down to the
point.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Days like Tuesday are why I’m here.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
On Tuesday, I was shown the kindness of a free ride not
once, but FOUR times. That NEVER happens! Yes, occasionally it happens. There
is a group of nice motorbike guys that will sometimes take me to the end of the
soi, and have driven me to the hospital when it was clear farang girl in
pajamas needed some assistance. Diagnosis, tonsillitis, yes, I’m pretty sure
that’s the problem too, so much so that if you said let’s go upstairs and cut
you open I would have obliged. The chapter in the novel ‘Mai Pen Rai Means
Nevermind’ entitled ‘Farang with the Cut Throat’ was sounding very familiar in
that waiting room. Thankfully we agreed on a course of antibiotics, let’s go
ahead and throw in the etc. etc. etc. and be done with THAT story. Long version
is not necessary. That was last month and we’re good now, me and my tonsils. I
always start new jobs with tonsillitis (shaking head and mouthing not really).
But I digress.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Tuesday, one of the Thais that works in the school kitchen
was riding by in a tuk-tuk, stopped and picked me up and took me with on the
way to work. On the way home, I was walking in the rain and a kindergarteners
father picked me up in his taxi and took me the rest of the way. I don’t teach
the kindergarteners so at first I was confused, and then glad, and as soon as I
got upstairs it really hit monsoon proportions.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And then I was doodling around on twitter and whatnot and
all those other internet activities you don’t need full brain power for and found
out exactly when Aung San Suu Kyi would be exiting the Suvarnabhumi
International airport, and from exactly which exit. Wasn’t originally planning
to do this; but armed with that information and not at work I thought why the
hell not.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Now I must say, this is absolutely the most creative excuse
for not working on lesson planning I have come up with to date. I decided what
the heck, I can take the trains and go see history unfold. I’m in Bangkok, and
I have to work during the day when she’ll be out and about and giving talks and
visiting Mae Sot, why on Earth not tonight?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I set out and a taxi just outside my building waved at me; I
explain I’ve got no change (taxis start at 35 baht and I’ve got 17 in my pocket
in coins), only a 1000 baht note (which is waaaaay too much to break in a taxi,
fyi, if you ever needed to know). So, he drove me to the mouth of the soi (bok
soi) for free. Alright, so that’s third times the charm today for kind people
giving me rides in one day, I must be on to something here.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I walk on and grab a motosai to the BTS station for 10 baht.
And then I ride the Silom BTS to the Sukhumvit BTS to the Airport Link, all of
which takes a fair bit of time (though I’ve just listed all of the elevated
train transport in Bangkok). I’m running later than I would like; I was already
delayed because I remembered I needed to charge my DSLR battery. Armed with
both cameras with decent battery life I set off around 7:30pm, her arrival at
the airport was 9:40pm. Let’s move!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Of course, by the time I got there I was starving since I
hadn’t really made a dinner plan. And I ended up doing something I advise all
Americans visiting Asia to avoid doing at most costs. I ate at Subway.
Glorious, glorious mediocre sandwich. Had I not been craving a sandwich so
badly, it might have been a problem. Though actually, the airport perhaps has a
slightly better sub than elsewhere in Thailand. Generally speaking, especially
if you’re not in Asia long, it’s not worth it. But oh, a sandwich.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I regrouped and headed up to the second floor and figured
out a way to get outside to where she would be exiting. Once I spotted the
cluster of tripods and video equipment it was easy.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I saw people from Myanmar holding up signs to welcome her. I
saw the canine unit brought out to sniff around well before her arrival. I met
a Thai that lives in my neighborhood, and he ended up driving me home along
with his maid from Southern Myanmar. She had made a welcome sign. She was
crying after we saw her.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In typical fashion, my DSLR shot at the crucial moment was
terrible and though I charged my batteries, I let my compact camera’s card fill
up. D’oh. But I was there. I saw the Lady set foot on foreign soil for the
first time in 24 years. I experienced the kindness of so many Thai people in
one day, after living in the backpacker ghetto and getting run through the mill
repeatedly at Immigration I didn’t think it possible. I saw women with signs to
welcome her crying, and smiling, and crying. It was a small moment. Each of
these things that occurred on Tuesday were small moments. But these are the
small moments that I’m over here for in the first place.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’m glad for days like Tuesday.</div>
<!--EndFragment-->jenny44indyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17854736503407730908noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6841212580229293293.post-62055116983505529972012-05-27T15:42:00.000+08:002012-05-27T15:42:27.810+08:00What’s Important, Discussing Goals and Finances<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<o:DocumentProperties>
<o:Template>Normal.dotm</o:Template>
<o:Revision>0</o:Revision>
<o:TotalTime>0</o:TotalTime>
<o:Pages>1</o:Pages>
<o:Words>1383</o:Words>
<o:Characters>7887</o:Characters>
<o:Company>Purdue University</o:Company>
<o:Lines>65</o:Lines>
<o:Paragraphs>15</o:Paragraphs>
<o:CharactersWithSpaces>9685</o:CharactersWithSpaces>
<o:Version>12.0</o:Version>
</o:DocumentProperties>
<o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
<o:AllowPNG/>
</o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:WordDocument>
<w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom>
<w:TrackMoves>false</w:TrackMoves>
<w:TrackFormatting/>
<w:PunctuationKerning/>
<w:DrawingGridHorizontalSpacing>18 pt</w:DrawingGridHorizontalSpacing>
<w:DrawingGridVerticalSpacing>18 pt</w:DrawingGridVerticalSpacing>
<w:DisplayHorizontalDrawingGridEvery>0</w:DisplayHorizontalDrawingGridEvery>
<w:DisplayVerticalDrawingGridEvery>0</w:DisplayVerticalDrawingGridEvery>
<w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/>
<w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>
<w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent>
<w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>
<w:Compatibility>
<w:BreakWrappedTables/>
<w:DontGrowAutofit/>
<w:DontAutofitConstrainedTables/>
<w:DontVertAlignInTxbx/>
</w:Compatibility>
</w:WordDocument>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:LatentStyles DefLockedState="false" LatentStyleCount="276">
</w:LatentStyles>
</xml><![endif]-->
<!--[if gte mso 10]>
<style>
/* Style Definitions */
table.MsoNormalTable
{mso-style-name:"Table Normal";
mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0;
mso-tstyle-colband-size:0;
mso-style-noshow:yes;
mso-style-parent:"";
mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt;
mso-para-margin:0in;
mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:12.0pt;
font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-ascii-font-family:Cambria;
mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;
mso-hansi-font-family:Cambria;
mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;}
</style>
<![endif]-->
<!--StartFragment-->
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’ve been trying to organize my finances a lot more
recently. Yes I’ve been trying for years, but I’ve really ramped things up a
bit lately. But I’m guessing very few of you actually know that is a piece of what
I’m up to.<br />
<br />
And it seems to be a downhill battle. My outgoing spending exceeds my income. I
don’t have a month-by-month break down; nor would I publish it if I did. I will
discuss some of the key players in my financial minefield below.<br />
<br />
But the fact of the matter is I’ve been dipping into my savings fairly
regularly for the past five years without fully making it back to ‘pay myself
back.’ When including airfare, education and health expenses, I’m just not
bringing in enough (Yes, like a lot of people in America and around the world,
I know). In effect this means I’m not really financially independent, which if
you’ve known me long enough and well enough is something I’ve been striving to
accomplish for a long time and is very, very important to me.<br />
<br />
Or maybe you didn’t. A lot of people don’t understand that I hold this goal in
such high regard and that I’m highly offended when people ask me to compromise
this goal. In fact I am more committed to this goal than getting married.
(Gasp, Horror!) So when the suggestion comes up that I should throw this goal
out the window so that I might attend someone’s wedding, but it’s really not
financially aligned with my plans, I’m rather childishly pissy about it. And
I’m really not sorry for that. Yes, I care, you have no idea how torn up inside
I feel, but that doesn’t mean I’m putting my financial wellbeing or my goals in
the trash. A marriage is about more than the day the wedding ceremony takes
places, and I’d rather be able to support that throughout than go broke to be
there one day. Not to mention, I think this is good planning and thought
processing should I ever decide to take a life partner – going into debt is not
the point of a wedding! I would like to add that it is not the individuals
getting married pushing this issue; but this is why I’m motivated to write a
post on finances.<br />
<br />
A lot of people don’t understand my framing of life planning in terms of career
goals, financial independence goals and freedom from ‘owing someone.’ But if
you look closely enough, you need go no further than looking to my father and
grandmother, the financial gurus of the family. I can no longer call on them
directly for guidance, but I’m trying my hardest (which is ever more
complicated as an American expat) to learn from them and the resources around
me to actually live within my means and save for a future of my design (notice
I said MY design, not anyone else’s design, though inspired by family role
models, ah the irony). Granted, this means I come across as thinking and acting
like my father, which is it’s own barrel of monkeys.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I need to be careful too; not to fall into the trap of
framing everything in dollars, cents, baht and satang (and other currencies).
So that said; it’s up to me to decide what’s important to ME and what expenses
I’m willing to incur and why.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
To give a better picture of my reasoning, let’s discuss
what’s important to me in financial and life planning, especially over last
year, 2011:</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Jenny’s Goal: Find employment at an International School,
teaching art, so that:<br />
1) I’m on an International School calendar and I’m better able to coordinate
with dates in the US for my vacation time.<br />
2) I’m teaching what I studied to teach, what I want to teach<br />
3) I can be home for Christmas in 2012; and should be able to save to pay
myself back for this ticket by the time I step on the plane.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Plan has been in the making: 1.5 years.<br />
Shared: With very few people because I was afraid I couldn’t do it, etc.<br />
Level of Importance to me: 10 out of 10<br />
Paid self back: No, plan to do so by December</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Achieved: Obtained Employment in this category, proper
working visa, and plane ticket to be home for Christmas purchased on credit.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Jenny’s Goal: Maintain Indiana teaching credential (or find
another state/country who’s teacher’s license is actually stable, unlike my
home state or my country of residence)</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
1) Enroll in, succeed in and pay for 6 graduate credit hours
to upgrade to a five year teaching license (while teaching in Thailand and
dealing with an epic flood – full disclosure, this chapter was not accomplished
without anti-anxiety pills, I’m not Wonder Woman).</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
2) I can renew my license without moving home; which would
kind of defeat the point of moving abroad to get experience and adventure.<br />
3) Next Steps: Ministry of Education, Ministry of Labour and Teacher’s Council
of Thailand – possibility of getting Thai teacher’s license to retain legal
teaching status. Work Permit.<br />
4) Dealing with 5-year license complications and the new Education Reforms in
Indiana that are currently on the table, right now in June 2012. Begin 90 hours
of Professional Growth Plan Work. Figure out what I need to keep in a teacher’s
growth journal to accomplish this. Hope legislature does NOT get amended to
exclude teachers working out of state from being able to renew; plan to write
to state representatives on the matter before the bill’s vote.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Plan (Part 1 and 2) took: 9 months of planning, coursework
and paperwork<br />
Part 3: will be ongoing over the next three months at least<br />
Part 4: To Be Determined, but gathering PGP hours already. Choosing another
place to obtain credentials from is a much, much farther out goal.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Level of importance to me: 9 out of 10<br />
Paid self back (monetarily): No<br />
<br />
Fast Forward 2012:<br />
Jenny’s Goal: Enjoy my summer vacation while living a little closer to within
my means. If Goal: International School was not obtained, I would need to be
teaching during these months which are ‘break’ in the US school calendar, and
would not have had the time off any way. Since Goal: International School was
obtained, I’m in the hole from visa run, moving, and only getting one week’s
worth of salary for the month of April. So I now have ‘break’ however I’m close
to ‘broke.’ Haha puns! But I’ve known this aspect of the plan for months. I
knew it as I got a pit in my stomach a year ago when I was told the wedding
date. I knew. And I knew the unspoken expectations that have now reared their
ugly heads.<br />
Plan has been in the making: Also 1.5 years<br />
Shared with: The Individual who’s wedding I’m missing soon after the date was
set, very few others, why start the fight early?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Level of Importance to me: 10 out of 10</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Level of conflict I feel regarding where I am this summer:
10 out of 10<br />
<br />
Jenny’s Goal: Support causes and lifestyle changes that are important to me.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
1) Donate small amounts of money to causes important to me,
including charity work in Thailand, Kiva lending, Kickstarter projects that
resonate with me, The American Brain Tumor Association, etc.<br />
2) Spend some money on healthy foods, relaxing at the beach and other things
that are beneficial to my health, mind, body and sanity so that not all of my
energy and money is poured into plane tickets at the expense of my happiness.<br />
3) Continue to work on my financial planning so that I am living within my
means, and actually getting back to a place where I’m saving instead of
financially bleeding out. This takes a lot of work, patience and calculated
plotting of money matters.<br />
<br />
There has been a lot of confusion as to what on Earth Jenny is doing over there
in Thailand, any way. Living in huts (or so people think) and peeing without
toilet paper, teaching hooligans and Party Rocking like it’s 1959 (except we
have iPads, or at least many of my students do) aside, I’m not just taking a
Gap Year and forgoing thoughts of the future. Far from it.<br />
<br />
I really don’t believe I need to justify my actions and decisions, but as it’s
bothering me this much and people can’t seem to quit asking, there is a brief
glimpse into the inner workings of Jenny’s brain. I hope that gives a clearer
picture of the life goals I was working on in 2011 and am continuing on in 2012;
and woah man, that’s a heck of a lot to have achieved, ya know? Certainly
nothing to scoff at. So I’m not going to pull a Carrie Bradshaw and proclaim
you should buy me $300 shoes to celebrate my singledom (I mean, demanding
things like this is kind of the antithesis of my financial independence
argument too, but any way) and successes therein; but dude, she had a point.
There is more in life to be celebrated than matrimony and child-bearing, we’re
not trying to bring it down, us disgruntled single ladies, but we’re just tired
of being lost in the shuffle of unspoken expectation as if that’s the be-all
end-all and we must sacrifice to make it happen on other people’s terms at the
expense of our own goals. And I think pretty much every single lady the world
over would agree with that.<br />
<br />
My goal? My goal is to be in charge of my money. A lot of people can’t say
that, and a lot of people are unhappy for it whether married, single or otherwise.
Why don’t we work on lifting each other up; including through healthy financial
choices all around; instead of continuing to buy into the myth of excess
because it’s expected. I’m not deserting people, I’m trying to set up the
scaffolding for a future where I can make the decisions to be places and see
people and do so without incurring consumer debt; because otherwise there’s no
way I can sustain what I want to do. Just because I’m not at the wedding
ceremony doesn’t mean I’m not out here cheering on the marriage. And I only
gave you a look at last year and the next few months, I have big dreams. Much
bigger dreams than what I’ve shared.</div>
<!--EndFragment-->jenny44indyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17854736503407730908noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6841212580229293293.post-85429728551286930572012-05-20T23:25:00.000+08:002012-05-20T23:25:48.039+08:00Hey, can we talk?<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<o:DocumentProperties>
<o:Template>Normal.dotm</o:Template>
<o:Revision>0</o:Revision>
<o:TotalTime>0</o:TotalTime>
<o:Pages>1</o:Pages>
<o:Words>1064</o:Words>
<o:Characters>6065</o:Characters>
<o:Company>Purdue University</o:Company>
<o:Lines>50</o:Lines>
<o:Paragraphs>12</o:Paragraphs>
<o:CharactersWithSpaces>7448</o:CharactersWithSpaces>
<o:Version>12.0</o:Version>
</o:DocumentProperties>
<o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
<o:AllowPNG/>
</o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:WordDocument>
<w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom>
<w:TrackMoves>false</w:TrackMoves>
<w:TrackFormatting/>
<w:PunctuationKerning/>
<w:DrawingGridHorizontalSpacing>18 pt</w:DrawingGridHorizontalSpacing>
<w:DrawingGridVerticalSpacing>18 pt</w:DrawingGridVerticalSpacing>
<w:DisplayHorizontalDrawingGridEvery>0</w:DisplayHorizontalDrawingGridEvery>
<w:DisplayVerticalDrawingGridEvery>0</w:DisplayVerticalDrawingGridEvery>
<w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/>
<w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>
<w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent>
<w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>
<w:Compatibility>
<w:BreakWrappedTables/>
<w:DontGrowAutofit/>
<w:DontAutofitConstrainedTables/>
<w:DontVertAlignInTxbx/>
</w:Compatibility>
</w:WordDocument>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:LatentStyles DefLockedState="false" LatentStyleCount="276">
</w:LatentStyles>
</xml><![endif]-->
<!--[if gte mso 10]>
<style>
/* Style Definitions */
table.MsoNormalTable
{mso-style-name:"Table Normal";
mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0;
mso-tstyle-colband-size:0;
mso-style-noshow:yes;
mso-style-parent:"";
mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt;
mso-para-margin:0in;
mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:12.0pt;
font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-ascii-font-family:Cambria;
mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;
mso-hansi-font-family:Cambria;
mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;}
</style>
<![endif]-->
<!--StartFragment-->
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’ve been thinking a lot about communication lately. Being
an expat it’s generally a topic that’s thrust to the forefront of my daily life
– well pretty much all the time. It’s something people struggle with inside a
singular culture, family unit, friendship – it’s not easy apparently. Throw in
multiple languages, cultures, etc., woah baby.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I recently read an article by Debito Arudou about the daily
grind of cross cultural conversation and how it boils down to about the same
five things, no matter how long you’ve been in a country or how well you can
speak the native language. If you look foreign, you’re foreign, end of story.
I’m not fluent in Thai and I haven’t been here that long, but what I realized
recently was that I don’t just feel this from Thais – I feel this same kind of
pressure from ‘home.’ What really stood out to me was not so much the
experience of being foreign in Asia, but how I’m dealing with the same thing
from both continents.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
What do I mean, exactly?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Well, here, I have daily passing conversations covering the
usual topics posed to foreigners. What do you do here? When will you go back
home? Can you speak Thai? Can you eat spicy food? Litany of questions about my
reproductive life, doubts that I even like men, what’s my salary, how long is
my contract, yada yada. It’s the same nod, smile and move on conversation most
of the time. It’s a sea of seemingly harmless, but nosy questions – and a very
poignant lack of dept in many interactions.<br />
<br />
I truly cherish the moments when any kind of depth or understanding really
crosses the language barrier – you can see it in each other’s eyes when a real
meaningful connection and human understanding is made, and it can be had in
under 3 words, sometimes without them.<br />
<br />
That’s not there when someone goes through the motions of “what you should ask
foreigners,” making a sale, etc. It’s about a depth of human communication, and
it takes some mutual understanding and willingness to change worldviews (from
both parties).</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Now though, since I no longer inhabit the sphere of American
existence in a physical, day-to-day sense – I get the same thing from back
home. So, when are you coming home? Aren’t you going to do x, y and then z? Well
you WILL move home eventually. When are you going to grad school/getting
married/moving to another country blah blah blah. Again, these are not
malicious questions or presumptions. These are not particularly harmful or
uncaring questions.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But I rarely have a normal conversation anymore, like – this
is what I did today or these are the things I talk about with my friends when I
get to see them in person; on either side of the pond, in person or on the
internet – because SO much of the communication I do manage to engage in boils
down to “things to ask a foreigner” or “things to ask the American that no
longer lives in America.”<br />
<br />
It’s no particularly malicious, but it’s no different from the frequency with
which my students use the word ‘teacher.’ When 200 people rush you in the
course of one week and chant teacher teacher teacher and try to get your
attention RIGHT NOW, anything else is drowned out in the background. (I’m
working on breaking my students of this – at least the ridiculous frequency).<br />
<br />
It’s the same thing. As an expat, local people, well-meaning people from back
home, if they keep in touch with you, they all ask the same questions. Have the
same assumptions. Where’s the common ground? People think the only common
ground is now those questions they’re asking. But I still just want to talk
about what I had for lunch, or the book I’m reading, or any of those things
that people get to discuss in their native tongue on a daily basis when they’re
living in their home culture. When’s your next flight home? Is not a meaningful
conversation, especially when repeated ad naseum.<br />
<br />
Where do I really belong if I so rarely engage in a conversation that doesn’t
leave me feeling like I’m a nomad that belongs nowhere? I’m a Non-Immigrant in
Thailand, an expat from my home country; a wayward traveler in legal
documentation and social standing – right down to daily conversation. And you
all know how much I like to talk.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Just like students, the people engaging in these behaviors
cannot see the bigger picture of how that behavior, taken as a collective,
affects the teacher. They mean no harm. The student has no life experience to
compare to the teacher’s position. The citizen that has not lived abroad
doesn’t see the position unique to the expatriate. And truly – there is a
prevailing view that it is up to the expatriate to do all the adjusting. THEY chose
to leave. THEY chose to go somewhere else. All responsibility lies with them.
No one else need adjust their worldview based on another person’s experience.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’ve heard lots of things when I’ve brought this subject up.<br />
“Just ignore it.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Just cut those strings.”<br />
“Go home then.”<br />
“Find a different place.”<br />
“Oh, you’ll get that everywhere.”*</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Relax.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Chill out.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Oh they just don’t know.”<br />
“Try to be understanding.”<br />
“That’s why you should keep things within your circle of trust.”<br />
“You’re being racist.”<br />
“You need to be more open minded.”<br />
“Try to accept the culture.”<br />
“They’re just trying to show they care.”<br />
<br />
On and on the suggestions go. Humans are designed to be social creatures. And
right down to the people I care about most deeply and trust most – I get this
sense of communication that scratches the surface and leaves me in a box
between two cultures – I fit in neither. I lack depth in either. I don’t need
advice. I don’t need suggestions. I just want a real, truthful conversation. It
doesn’t have to have deep meaning – just a true connection. But I don’t know
many people I can have those with any more.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br />
When frankly, I’d really just like to hear about how you had to work 1.5 hours
of overtime, got a flat tire and then played Angry Birds when you got home. You
think that’s boring, talking to the expat off on that crazy world adventure of
theirs that you’re not having. It’d be better to just let her be, her stories are
so much more interesting. As I’m shouting them into a vacuum here on the podium
of internet cyberspace. That’s not a conversation. Maybe lots of people read
what I write – and that’s wonderful. When’s the last time we spoke? Emailed?
Anything?<br />
<br />
Perhaps it’s odd to argue that a conversation of the day-to-day banality of
general living is more fulfilling than asking ‘bigger’ questions about life abroad.
But if you’ve never experienced the vacuum that occurs without it – you
wouldn’t have the frame of reference to realize that asking the ‘big’ questions
while ignoring the small ones leaves a huge gap. And really, have we yet
learned how to communicate in this hyper connected world? *Oh, you’ll get that
everywhere. Perhaps we’re simply losing the art of deep, connected
conversations in this age of status updates, blog posts and the like. Maybe
it’s just starting with the populations that are already experiencing more
isolation than others, but are simultaneously globally connected because of our
social media explosion; because it doesn’t matter what culture I’m in – almost
all our conversations are lacking depth. I could move ‘home’ today – and I’d
still be in this pickle. And that’s not something I know how to get back
regardless of which culture I’m immersed in, including my own.</div>
<!--EndFragment-->jenny44indyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17854736503407730908noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6841212580229293293.post-8413014190241924552012-05-06T14:28:00.000+08:002012-05-06T14:47:23.770+08:00The American, The Thai & The British Curriculum<br />
I’m sure at least a few of you have been looking for a post that elaborates on what on Earth I’ve actually been doing these past couple months, and since I’ve started my job. A quick sentence summarizing a few key points does not really cut it, nor is it my usual style. But you do what you can.<br />
<br />
Rather than do a full back pedal, though, or try and layer every new occurrence to give the full picture (you would all stop reading, trust me), let’s focus on what’s up next as my big focus.<br />
<br />
And that would be: The American, The Thai and The British Curriculum. It almost sounds like it could be a storybook.<br />
<br />
So, if you know me you know I just started a new job teaching art!!! A goal 8 years in the making (objectively speaking, subjectively longer) – but much like a University commencement ceremony, I’ve really just finally reached the starting line on this particular goal. The goal, after college, – was simply to be able to start the race. I’ve been running other races, no less important, but others nonetheless. So now here we go.<br />
<br />
Here’s a break down: I am one of two art instructors at my school. My school has around 400 pupils and spans Kindergarten to 11th grade, and we have one 12th grader that sits in a teacher’s room to do all his work. What a senior year.<br />
<br />
Naturally, I am the American cited in the title. My colleague the Elementary Grades Art Teacher is Thai. And we are employed at a school that follows the British curriculum.<br />
<br>Now here’s where it gets a little tricky. Both of us have to learn the ins and outs of the British Curriculum together. Not only that, but we must do so to at least a semi-passable, paperwork laden extent in less than three weeks. O_o Why on Earth, you ask? Accreditation Inspectors from the UK will be coming later in May to see if we make the cut. Wow, way to hit the ground running.<br/>
<br>The Thai art teacher has been at the school for awhile but when I showed him the British ‘Schemes of Work’ (Curriculum and what kinds of media we’re supposed to be introducing at which key stage and which term of the year), he said it was the first time he’d seen it.<br/>
<br>Why exactly am I also making sure he figures it out? Shouldn’t that be his responsibility, especially if he’s been there longer? Oh, you and your logic.<br/>
<br>You see, as it turns out, I’m not actually just the Upper Grades Art Teacher. Actually, congratulations Teacher Jenny, you are the Head of the Art Department, and you’ll be ceremoniously informed through an email on Thursday afternoon, or, three days ago. Woah. Ok. So now, I’m a rookie art teacher in a foreign country, learning a curriculum system I’m not familiar with, and I’m the direct supervisor of another art teacher. Who is not fluent in English but should be. Ok. Deep Breaths. It’s a good thing I am who I am. And really truly, as much as I was still rather maladapted in many ways at the Thai Gov’t School, since my time there it’s a little easier to take things like this and let it (mostly) roll off and carry on. Though my highly emotive facial expressions are not something I’ve ever learned to fully mask, and frankly I hate doing that so much any way.<br/>
<br>So, The Deputy Principal has been very supportive in pointing me towards helpful resources, explaining things, helping me get the administration to move it on a few things and generally being there as a teaching mentor, which I am incredibly grateful for.<br/>
<br>As the Head of the Art Department, I’m in charge of going over my colleague’s lessons, making sure he’s up to standards (like, fluency in English in 3 weeks? Uh…), helping him grow as an educator and doing all that supervisory paperworky stuff. The Deputy Principal suggested the two of us plan to be each other’s mentors, as we’ll both be teaching art and therefore best be able to help each other develop as ART teachers. We’re supposed to outline a Professional Growth Plan and hold regular Department meetings to go over this. Even though I’m coming in towards the end of the year, my colleague hasn’t done one. We’ll be doing this soon.<br/>
<br>You see, my predecessor was assigned these same duties, but she pretty much gave my colleague the cold shoulder because she couldn’t be bothered with the language barrier, among other things. There were certainly other factors, as I’ve learned at the weekly Friday after school staff meeting. Otherwise known as drinks at the street bar down the road. Man can I hold my Lemon Tea like a pro. Also note, for these important faculty meetings: only American, only female. Oh Thailand.<br/>
<br>So as such, we’re at square one, using his iPod Thai/English dictionary, and both swearing up and down as the air conditioner continues to float in and out of functionality. Some things transcend linguistic difficulty. 40C (104F) heat outside, then in a cement and metal box, is one of those things. So while it’s up to us to maintain the professionalism of our department, there are two of us, and this is Thailand. Enough said. And for any of you about to suggest it – he’s married so don’t even think about going there.<br/>
<br>So here’s our breakdown so far:<br/>
<br>1) I will focus on art history, since I have more expertise and linguistic ability in this category.<br/>
<br>*Though I’m the upper grades teacher, he’s actually my co-teacher for grades 8 and 9. And while predecessor just gave him the cold shoulder, if I’ve got a work load nearly twice what I expected and he’s supposed to be my co-teacher, we’re gonna get out that Thai English dictionary, and we’re going to co-teach.*<br/>
<br>2) He will focus on drawing and Illustration.<br/>
<br>*We’re both fairly versed in this area, but his strength is graphic design as well as illustration. Since realistic illustration actually takes me quite a bit of work and I’ve got other things to bring to the table, here’s the split.*<br/>
<br>3) I will help him with English; he will read Thai labels and make sure that when we get any sort of chemical supplies with Thai labels we don’t blow each other up.<br/>
<br>*Ok, we’re not really going to blow up. But I HAVE discovered batik dye fixative, and while that stuff won’t blow anything up, it could potentially be highly corrosive to skin. For his growth plan I’ve decided we’ll call this strength of his ‘supply acquisition,’ instead of 'fluent in Thai,'mmm the semantics of standards.*<br/>
<br>4) We’re both going to try and figure out how we’re supposed to do a sculpture unit.<br/>
<br>*Unlike predecessor just saying here do this to my colleague, I’ve decided we’re both gonna bring something to the table. And since neither of us specialized in sculpture and our supplies for this are well… uh… you’re art teachers get creative! This is going to be an interesting one.*<br/>
<br>So that’s where we’re at so far. He’s actually enrolled in an English language school of his own volition, beginning next week. I’ve loaned him Street DVDs of the first season of Mad Men, then he loaned me Kick Ass (for entertainment more than linguistic reasons). And as he told me about people just being unwilling to deal with him because of language, and tried to lean on the Gym teacher for translation, I said,<br/>
<br>“No, no, try. My sister and I? My sister and I made my brother learn to speak. He has autism, and we weren’t sure he’d be able to learn to speak. But you know what my sister and I said? We’re not taking no for an answer. And my brother learned to speak.”<br/>
<br>And while I hope he didn’t take the autism bit the wrong way, the point stands. We’re going to do this, and I’m not giving the cold shoulder or taking no for an answer. As to whether we’ll really be able to rock it well enough for the UK inspectors, well, that’s kind of a fool’s errand, but, Super Teacher, x2, mode engage.<br/>jenny44indyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17854736503407730908noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6841212580229293293.post-61405430729477135682012-04-22T04:45:00.000+08:002012-05-06T14:49:23.376+08:00All The Single LadiesJustifying Life as a Single Female Expat<br>
<p>I really just have to write this post. It’s something all expats deal with to some extent, and it’s an issue that doesn’t stop bothering me. If you dislike sarcasm or reading posts with any cynicism or negativity, skip this one. I can only be who I am. But I feel my message is important.<br></p>
<p>1: If I were an American deployed in the military, I would have full support for being away. Regardless of your position on American foreign policy, it’s just too taboo to say otherwise about our men and women in uniform. Well, unless they are women that have been raped by their peers, then they were asking for it and we shouldn’t have to pay for them to receive counseling. *shakes head at the state of things* But really, my point stands: If I were deployed I bet not ONE person would have the guts to call me selfish or guilt trip me about not coming home more often. Because I’m making sacrifices for my country, so I must not be selfish.<br></p>
<p>2: If I were abroad following my husband. If I were married and my husband was transferred abroad, or if I moved abroad in order to marry someone, people might try and talk HIM out of it or talk him into moving to the US, but I would have full support. Oh, the poor expat wife, it must be sooo hard for you to be off in a foreign land where not all of the toilets are Western and the taxis don’t have seatbelts! The horror! And if you have kids: have you found a suitable International school? Will the kid’s education suffer? Newsflash: the idea that women can’t pee standing up is a lie. And guess what else? Urine does not carry diseases (95% of the time or so). As for education – don’t get me started on the state education being systematically dismantled.<br></p>
<p>3: If you’re just taking a ‘gap year’ to ‘find yourself.’ Oh kids today, they’ve just gotta get the travel bug out of their systems before they come home and ‘get their real job.’ It’s just a phase, they’ll grow out of it.<br></p>
<p>Tell me again, what’s a real job? How about a fake job? My personal take on the semantics of this is that no job is ‘real,’ because we all aspire to attain a perfect job that doesn’t really exist. Other views include the idea that all jobs are real – because, truly, when is valid employment NOT real? I added the qualifier of ‘valid,’ there are certainly scams out there.<br></p>
<p>4. And then there’s the rest of us. The Misfits. The true traitors of our country who dare to stay abroad for more than one year. There must be something pathologically wrong with us to stay away from the great First World Pillars of the planet, the land of milk and honey. The Patriot Act says so. Oh it doesn’t say that? Well do you know what it does say? That’s what I thought. Also, I’m lactose intolerant and it’s more like the land of subsidized high fructose corn syrup and cheap laundered Chinese honey. I know I know, there she goes again with her cynicism… Really though, the expat crowd, we’re all off our rockers. Every last one. Maybe we have neurosyphilis. Yes, yes we must test expats for that annually! Sluts, the lot of them! With dollar signs on their foreheads!<br></p>
<p>WHAT?!?! You’re not coming home?!?!? WHY?!?!<br>
Uh, can I even get a job at Starbucks at ‘home?’ NO!<br>
Do you realize it takes me exactly one month’s salary for that round trip ticket?<br>
Do you have any concept of how a Thai Government school calendar operates? Yes I no longer work at a Thai government school. See point one, add relocation, visa reapplication and haven’t gotten my next paycheck yet costs. Consider this along with plane ticket.<br></p>
<p>But, is it safe for you to be abroad as a single female?<br>
Seriously? Really seriously? Would you like me to pull up the crime statistics for YOUR city? That’s what I thought.<br></p>
<p>But you’re living in a third world country!<br>
I have better access to health care here than I do anywhere in the United States. And if push really comes to shove, they can see me for cash. This has served me many times, where in the states I would have had to rush back to my mother to beg for grocery money when the medical bills came due (on her health insurance at the time, to boot).<br>
I have greater access to public transport than I’ve had in any other place I’ve lived. I get on just fine with no car.<br></p>
<p>But, you could make more money in the US!<br>
Again, working where, exactly, that would hire me in my field and that I would be happy doing, and that would provide health care and an actual living wage? There are millions of Americans that would like to know. McDonald’s is not a valid response to someone with a Bachelor’s degree. Your mom will give you money or you can save money by living at home is also not a valid concept for a 20 something when there are clear alternatives available. Not sorry they are abroad. If you’re a 20 something at your parents, I’m sorry – and I understand your pain, fellow graduate of the Great Recession. We’ll make it through.<br></p>
<p>But, how are you going to find a boyfriend? Why can’t you find a boyfriend there?<br>
Again, this is your concern why? And that worked out so well in every case in the states, didn’t it? You know, it’s kind of nice to just book a flight to Chiang Mai and just go. I require permission from no man. If I were to get married, I would simply forfeit my rights to sign for many things on my own without my husband’s permission in many countries. I want to do that why? Last time I checked possession of a vagina is not considered a mental disorder (well, unless you were born with a penis in Thailand, then the Thai military DOES classify this as a mental disorder). Though I wouldn’t put it past the Republicans.<br></p>
<p>But, you keep getting sick!<br>
And this is different from my life in America how? Right, in that I can afford to go to the doctor here, they speak English and the quality of care is just fine.<br></p>
<p>But, America has the best sandwiches!<br>
Life is about sacrifices.<br></p>
<p>I realize that most American citizens will probably never understand my expat life. I will still be asked when I plan to come home, when I’m finding a boyfriend/getting married/getting pregnant (a global curse), when I’m going to grad school and I will still constantly be asked why I left the US in the first place.<br></p>
<p>I will be told to be more positive about my travel adventures; to tone it down, calm down, there will always be unsolicited advice. But you know what? I’m living a life that I am proud of. Can you say that? Or are you living vicariously through people that are following dreams you turned down or gave up? Well-behaved women rarely make history. And living your dreams does not play out in the utopian way that non-lived dreams are authored.<br></p>
<p>I’d like you to consider the fact that you would not question someone in the military, a married woman or a single male going abroad (at least not as much as us ladies), so effectively, you’re sabotaging the support network of us single ladies abroad when you ask these things and nothing else – and frankly, we would like the same support everyone else gets. We know things like the glass ceiling, sexual harassment, and unequal rights aren’t going away. But do we have to get the unintended, brain washed comments from those who care for us, whom we care for? I bet you’ve never thought of those questions that way. But think about how you’d feel if these queries comprised 90% of your communication from back ‘home.’ Does that compose 90% of your daily conversations? No, it doesn’t.<br></p>
<p>I’m sorry you made other choices in life, I’m sorry you wished you could travel, wished you were young, wished you hadn’t had kids, whatever. But that is your choice. And this is mine. I am not selfish. I am not unsafe. And I’ve done alright even as I’ve learned that people in my home country may never understand, and as my support network has retreated inwards and I’ve had to move on. I admit it bothers me now, to think that so many people I care about simply do not have the frame of reference or common experience to connect on the new levels I have found. I don’t mean to attack anyone’s lack of experience. And I realize to some, this will just be seen as more whining.<br></p>
<p>But I hope that perhaps you will start to understand the fact that, perhaps there is great misunderstanding even when you mean well. And the fact that I’ve chosen to lead a life quite different is simply that – different.<br></p>
<p>And I will never have to say, I wish I had traveled instead. Will you?<br></p>jenny44indyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17854736503407730908noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6841212580229293293.post-16390506438249443062012-04-19T23:25:00.000+08:002012-04-19T23:25:06.302+08:00Dear Americans considering teaching abroad in Thailand:1) Immigration will need to see your original University Diploma. Yes, original. Yes, I'm serious. Really really. If you're told you don't need this, either they aren't getting you the right visa and you're not working fully legally or they've got strings to pull. This, is also not unusual but to get a one year teaching visa, you NEED your real diploma with you. Whether or not the policy is new, the enforcement has scaled up exponentially.<br />
<br />
2) Female teachers must wear skirts in Thai schools. Internationals vary.<br />
<br />
3) Do not be surprised when Immigration questions the legitimacy of your actual, legitimate passport. Also yes really. No advice on this one, just be prepared. If you ever deal with a police officer that claims a document of yours is fake, demand to go to the police station. It's possible the cop is fake, or just scamming. Asserting your rights to go to the station gets them off your back.<br />
<br />
4) When applying for a Work Visa, never wear jeans to Immigration. When applying for a tourist extension, always wear jeans to Immigration. Or other touristy but not too obnoxious outfit. Don't wear sandals. Your approval or denial can hinge on how you are dressed.<br />
<br />
5) What bank you use will be determined by the school where you work. There are no fuzzy lines blurring banking and education whatsoever, at all. *cough* Many banks will not give you an account without a work permit. This also varies by branch, bank, and mood of who you talk to.<br />
<br />
6) Murphy's law requires that you will be seen by the same woman every trip to Immigration, and she hates your guts and thinks you're a teenage dirtbag even when you're in your mid 20s. That or she really just loves enforcing her rule book of logical procedures.<br />
<br />
7) Visa runs are like changing the oil in your car. Completely normal procedure. If you start to get worried that going on a visa run is shady, you're in the wrong country. Oil change for your passport.<br />
<br />
8) Don't even try to use PayPal abroad as an American, make sure your banking institution is not going to dump you because of the Patriot Act when you move abroad, and yes, you do have to file your US taxes both federal and state and maintain a US address (not P.O. Box) even if you don't have to pay any, you can't file electronically if you earn foreign wages, and you will find new reasons to hate the IRS you never dreamed of. Thank you, Patriot Act renewal and additions. They do give expats an automatic month extension to file taxes. Also realize any non-Thai cards incur a 150 baht ATM withdrawal fee for every transaction. Get a card that refunds fees if you cannot get a Thai card; or withdraw in maximum chunks to go awhile at a time. Also, many Thai banks will only withdraw from your savings account and not checking, because personal checking does not exist here. Be aware of this when choosing ATMs, it might take from your savings or simply say it cannot handle your foreign card.<br />
<br />
9) Realize there is a very good chance you may be the only American at your work place. Some places are full of Americans, but I'm on my second job as the lone Yankee on staff. Be prepared for as much or more culture shock from this as from Thai culture.<br />
<br />
10) Don't believe the myth that American automatically means better. My thieving, fake plane ticket issuing travel agent was US based. There is a travel agent here in Bangkok that never steers me wrong traveling in Asia, and I have found a more reliable US agent for flights back home. Do your homework.<br />
<br />
And PLEASE, don't tie your shoes to the outside of your pack in a country where feet and shoes are reviled, and when all else fails, there is a large Leo beer and a Mai Pen Rai with your name on it.jenny44indyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17854736503407730908noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6841212580229293293.post-23782594427854170022012-04-18T00:53:00.002+08:002012-04-18T00:53:17.588+08:00It’s Been an Eventful Couple of WeeksI’m sitting in an Irish pub near Sala Daeng station, drinking 7-up and enjoying a live band. I’m embarrassed to say that at first I thought the guy’s voice was coming from the female vocalist. But surely I can’t be blamed considering where I am. I did think she was very, very pretty to be a lady boy.<br />
<br />
Tomorrow I start my first day at my new job, so I’m celebrating with Irish stew. There’s a football match on two screens, TRON legacy on another. This vocalist is really good. Really, really good. I hope she finds her way out of this pub. But who knows.<br />
<br />
I haven’t blogged about the royal cremation, my visa run to Laos or my trip to the island of Koh Kood (on the Gulf of Thailand side – the quakes and tsunami watches are on the Andaman Sea side). But that’s a heck of a lot for two weeks and moving apartments and all. Just saying.<br />
<br />
I’ve arranged for a motosai ride to school in the morning and established myself with a motosai win (motorcycle gang, but think of it more as a co-op than a gang) in my neighborhood. This involved the translation assistance of a Family Mart cashier. I am going to be learning more Thai outside the backpacker ghetto. Sure, the backpacker ghetto has its charms in some ways, but I’m thankful to be out of it. In some ways it is tamer than where I currently sit, the Irish Pub is adjacent to the Japanese version of Soi Pat Pong. And that’s exactly what you think it is, and probably some things you haven’t thought of. Heh, you ever accidentally wandered into the red light district of a new city when you’ve only been there for less than three weeks? That was eye opening.<br />
<br />
I’ve learned to dodge, ignore or deal with most, though not all of the less savory types that approach me on the street for whatever reason; and the ones catering to males only in these areas usually ignore me. Still interesting what they think a white girl wants in Bangkok. A few Thai phrases go a long way to mitigate this, as does being dressed in work clothes versus “you look like a teenage student tourist” clothes.<br />
<br />
I think my neighborhood, or at least some of it, is highly amused with the new female farang on the block. And by amused I mean I was invited to join a street side drinking party of about a dozen Thai guys as I walked by to get dinner. Most of them introduced themselves and one of them drove me to the end of the soi on his bike. Thankfully my smiles and ‘ajarn, kha’ pleas got me out of sharing a drink without much hassle. I anticipate more amusing anecdotes.<br />
<br />
Any way, that’s it for now folks. Wish me luck tomorrow!jenny44indyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17854736503407730908noreply@blogger.com0