Goals, Momentum and Fapiao

I said I was going to bed. Of course I did. And then I created a spreadsheet to track my finances this year, read more email, posted some more links, downloaded my completed US tax paperwork, put away some laundry, began another blog post…

And didn’t you just blog a couple days ago? What is this about Jenny?

I just don’t stop. That’s still something I haven’t quite gotten the hang of. Learning to stop. The light switch is either on, or off. No light switch raves. Coasting in the middle isn’t really how I do things most of the time.

It’s funny, because I just read a post about setting bigger goals: http://chrisguillebeau.com/3x5/your-goals-are-too-small/#comment-96891 and the limits of self-censorship: http://www.fearlessjenn.com/2013/08/30/a-censors-reflection/

Both of which are incredibly relevant to where I’m at – need to stretch myself more and stop freaking keeping my mouth shut. It’s not good for me to stop talking. Well – ok that’s a mixed bag. Any way.

On the one hand, I think taking on China in my second year of teaching, and some of the other side projects I’ve got cooking, whether or not I’ve brought them up on here, illustrate some pretty big goals, actually. I’m finally being less of a wimp again.

On the other hand, my voice is still subdued. My writing is still self-censored. It will continue to be – but I am fighting for middle ground.

Tonight I put together my first fapiao paperwork with a neighbor’s help. Fapiao is an official Chinese tax receipt. A fapiao will have an official red stamp. After a purchase or meal you will probably have to take your regular receipt and then go to a separate counter, or otherwise ask for an official fapiao. Be sure you have your company’s name written in Chinese when you get this issued. You will also have to sign the back and/or get a chop made to stamp the back of your fapiao for verification.

There are several categories, we have to learn the Chinese characters to recognize which is which on our fapiao receipts. There are two types of forms that encompass the 4-6+ categories in different ways. The idea is basically you submit a bunch of receipts from living expenses: restaurants, taxis, other transport, rent, food (not grocery, that’s a different category when taken in translation and does not count), telecommunication… I guess it’s kind of like itemizing for US taxes, but it’s monthly and a little different.

A few colleagues have earned the knickname ‘fapiao’ because they are constantly collecting as many tax receipts as they possibly can in an effort to avoid taxes. Though, it can be counterproductive – you have to spend more than you’d pay in tax in order to get the full eligible tax break. So really, just go about your business but collect your receipts meticulously. And if you have a friend who doesn’t use a certain kind of fapiao because their contract is different – get them to collect those for you.

And I thought my US tax filing was confusing.

I am nervous. Earlier today I think I might have been more nervous than for starting last year. I don’t know. I do know I have a lot more support and a lot more resources. I also know I’m finally setting forward on some goals that have been backburnered for some time now.

I guess we shall see. But take it easy there, Jenny. You’re still checking your watch when people ask how long you’ve been in Shanghai.

So I Moved to China

I’m a little behind on here. Clearly. Some of you are like what, wait, you’re where? You did what? Well you’re probably not actually surprised. I know, I know, my communication and publication has been, haphazard. So moving on.

I moved to Shanghai, China. I’m also teaching here. And while I’m excited, and as it’s my second international move so I’m a little less green – China is a completely different animal. Training wheels off. Was that guy riding by on the motorbike holding up his IV fluid? He was? Well at least he wasn’t driving? It’s like Thailand level of what on Earth, but a lot more, brusque. At the same time – even more hiso (high society, a shortened Thaiglish word that has permanently wedged itself into my vocabulary) here in Shanghai than Bangkok. Well duh. Oh wait training wheels segue…

Unless you are talking about rollerblades. You see the other day I went looking to buy a refrigerator, as you do when you move to China and an unfurnished apartment, and I came home with roller blades instead. The ultimate class distinction problem. Oh I cannot refrigerate my food, I shall recreationally roll around asphalt on wheeled shoes instead.

The benefit of this, as opposed to running, is that you’re working the majority of your leg muscles without overly exerting your plantar fascia tendon. English please? You don’t have to bend your feet up and down. This is very important when you spent the last year hardly being able to walk properly after tearing and/or straining said tendon.

I have been waking up at 4:40 am frequently. Partially because the entire country of China uses one time zone; and we are in the east (duly noted that the west has late sunsets instead). But also because I lack curtains for the time being.

Since currently our work days are shortened I’ve used this to take advantage of my new roller blades twice this week. On the first occasion, remembering I have not in fact rollerbladed since sixth grade; wiping out on our apartment ramp with our garbage, wiping up when I saw a woman walking a sort of Yorkshire terrier and I leaned back in the slightest and fell smack dab on my butt, and towards the end of my fifth lap when I thought only two wipe outs I can do a sixth lap and I promptly collapsed into a bush. Ok, fine, no more today.

I am back from my go this morning, during which I decided not to count laps because it’s distracting from the primary task of leaning forward in case of Yorkshire terrier, I think I did quite a few more than five laps, and I did not wipe out at all. My iPod also refrained from falling out of my bra this time, though it’s done a great job making my boobs look rectangular.

I downed more than half a Pocari Sweat upon return to my abode, a beverage which I’m still explaining to some of the newly landed frontiersman. I mean…fellow Americans that are new to Asia.

One of the reasons I’ve blogged less and less these several months, aside from great frustration at my general situation the past year for myriad reasons – is simply my discomfort with publishing my observations. Boil it all down to that, for whatever reason. And no, not from any law or government – really, my own personal, social situations and career path.

I still feel that now. I pull out (and on) my masks appropriately. And honestly, it has little to do with China. Or with Thailand. I’m not particularly worried about offending the countries where I reside (they already know if they need to, any way), so much as the people from my home culture, or within my immediate colleague group. I do not wear the mask of a white North American in Asia only. I wear the mask of one working here with many other divergent view points, representing many nations, religions and opinions. Bah I make it sound like I work for the UN. HA! So grandiose.

My point is, I still wear a lot of masks. And I hate that. So Tuesday evening, after I had gracefully epic failed with the garbage, the yorkie, and those sinister bushes (and what about Grandma with that sword I almost ran into? Ok, just Tai Chi) I got up at an Open Mic Standup Comedy night and let loose for about three minutes.

And it was glorious. For three minutes, I wore no masks. I was completely sober and I blurted out what I damn well wanted to say. What did I say? I’m not publishing that. Yep, she’s teaching your children folks. I hope that such a forum will allow for a greater degree of freedom than amateur internet publishing does, with its slightly more fleeting nature even than the internet, though I hope to continue both ventures.

I have missed writing. I have missed many things. As I wheeled around our apartment compound this morning, one of my many trance tracks came up. Well they were all trance who am I kidding. “How can you sit there watching, someone else? How can you sit there (sit there) watching.” Exactly. Get up and do it.

Reflections on a Year

Tomorrow marks one year.

I am looking forward to sunrise.
Not only as the middle day of the three day Thai New Year holiday, but of a project I chose to begin at this time last year. I have made it.
It has been a full calendar year.

Has the year been perfect? Of course not. Have I accomplished everything I set for myself at this time last year? No to that as well. But this is bigger than any of those.

This has been by far the biggest undertaking of my time abroad, for me.

I’ve learned a lot.

I’ve realized that often, being an educator and being somewhat of a journalist of cultural experience can be incompatible, or may be ill advised in what’s considered professional.

I’ve realized that sometimes, self-censorship occurs for reasons that are more in line with my personal values in caring for others than the need to record from observation and publish.

I’ve realized what I think I always knew, but perhaps was afraid to admit – one year is not enough.
But nor is the first year, of anything, going to be the best one.
You may look at me and say – but, you’ve been there two and a half years, so what are you talking about?
And? I’m not just marking time from tarmac to tarmac.

I’ve realized, or reinforced my idea that you don’t bring your Grinch to somebody else’s party. If that means you sit inside and sit out much of the Thai New Year, then so be it. It takes a bigger person to admit they cannot, or do not want to accommodate others than to fake it. And it takes even more than that to avoid bringing others down when you are. I value raw and real, but on this day, you have your celebration and I’ll have mine. And yes – that idea is part of the accomplishment of this year as much as it shows the steps that lay ahead for a second year and beyond.

I’ve realized that what I used to think I wanted, and what I used to believe to be the order of things – is not the only way the story can play out. Nor is it the way the story is going to play out. In some ways it’s a frightening realization, except that, it was always the case whether I realized it or not. You can make choices to work with and change your circumstances – but you don’t choose your starting point, or your curve balls. You’ve got to work with what you’ve got and adapt. And if that ends up leading you further afield than you first thought well – maybe, to get started, it’s best that way. It’s much harder to get cold feet if you don’t really know what you’re getting into. Once you’re in it, well, already here right?

I’m not extraordinary. I’m not entitled. Or required in the ways I once thought.
I am determined. I am driven. And I am striving forward, often on a path I never used to see as a viable possibility. Perhaps the greatest blessing of feeling your world turned upside down a few times early in life – is that it leads you to question more of the rules – and break more of them to open a new trail.

If you’d like to walk with me, really walk with me, I’ll tell you about my dreams. Walk with me long enough, I have stories to tell beyond that. They won’t always be sunny. But I promise they will be me.

It’s only been one year. It’s been a full year! So much has happened.
There is so much more to come.
And we’ve got a long road ahead, so let’s keep walking.

Technology, Or Not

I have every intention of catching up on the shenanigans of the last month in writing and photos. In the meantime, my personal computer is in the shop, again, which blocks my access to nearly all of my files and actually organzing them to post, and I've hit another wall (or several) of frustration in my attempts to operate technology in Thailand, especially for teaching it and coordinating my personal files between systems. Trying to jump between four different versions of Windows on school computers, when I myself have Mac, combined with language difficulties, programs being installed in English OR Thai but not both, and machines switched off by circuit breakers...make for lots of headaches.

First, to IT corporations, specifically for dual Thai language/English language support: Kudos to those of you installing linguistic support for all languages. Shame on you for taking so long, and those who DO NOT offer such support, even in beta release.
Second: As long as you continue to ignore specific language demographics in your official code, you are putting yourselves at greater risk for hacking and compromise. You can whine about copyright infringement, violation of International copyright, yada, yada. But when you don't support the local langauges you sell to, you force even the common person's hand to hack the programs to function in that language; especially programs considered international professional standard. I will not single out any one company, because I have found this issue to varying degrees with every program I have sought help for thus far across operating systems. And I will admit a very select few programs have accomplished the Thai/English toggle, and naturally they control the market here. If I spend more hours digging through company help forums and still cannot accomplish my dual language needs, I will simply be purchasing some software hacks myself. For certain programs, it is fairly simple to get a bootleg copy, multi-language ready (so I am told). These programs legally come with Japanese, Korean, Chinese text converter and Arabic automatically - so why is it so difficult to get a plug-in for other characters installed? Did you only pick the richest countries languages to include? Seems likely.

You can argue about lack of respect for your company's code all you want, sit back and blame cultural views on property as you usually do, and even just blame the difficulty of employing people to help translate AND run support code. But it really comes down to language. I wouldn't be surprised if that was more of a hacker's gateway, getting native language to work in computer programs, than pirating entertainment. Yes, people will continue to buy your products even when your support is lacking, so you'll still be making money, because despite the 'choices' in the computer market, each might as well be a monopoly onto itself, and this is supposedly the digital age. I really don't blame people for hacking a program to get their native language to load instead of empty boxes. Maybe that sort of hack doesn't really irk your company. While currently certain companies are taking over English speaking markets by leaps and bounds, and some foreign markets as well, it will be the companies with the sense to support all languages that will eventually overtake and thrive. And aside from the company bottom line, I'd also like to point out the contribution of poor language support in technology to increasing the digital divide between rich and poor nations. Though perhaps a level playing field isn't what you're going for.

Several of the companies that are currently quite buggy do at least have beta releases in the works, and I applaud this. First major critique: assuming everyone is monolingual. What language were people attempting to use before you supported their language? English. So, why can't they use English and another language in your program on the same computer? You've got beta releases for languages; now make it so the same program can run in more than one language mode on a single computer. A few programs do, most don't (at least for my particular language combination). And to the companies with no official support and only hacks you can research on the internet or buy bootleg - get on that.

I will hold my tongue (for now) on computer/internet security, privacy, other forms of piracy, censorship and the country of origin of computer innovation for now; except for this: most countries around the world do not exhibit Net Neutrality. I'm extremely disappointed to see in the news today the United States will now be counted among those who don't defend the free internet, as per the latest FCC ruling. What's worse is most American citizens really have no idea what a policy opposed to Net Neutrality means for their freedom on the internet. Blatant censorship, or covert limiting of data streams as determined by a select few cable companies? It amounts to the same thing, if not worse, just in politically nicer terms. At least blatant censorship is honest (so to speak) about its goals. I have journaled about censorship since I have been here, but have decided it best to keep that from this blog. I like my blog NOT to be censored in my country of residence.

Happy Holidays, New Year, so on and such forth - not sure how long my computer will be out of commission; and finding computer time on a functioning, internet connected, English language enabled computer - well, that can be quite a trick.